Dear all, please help me in this TOEFL independent essay! Any comment is appreciated.
Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age and should spend most of their time on school studies. Others believe that young children should spend most of their time playing. Compare these two views. Which view do you agree with? Why?
Modern world demands smart and healthy children as its future citizens. So the way we treat our kids, plays a crucial role in the future of that society. Some groups believe that children have to receive early education and must be engaged mostly in their homework, while others suggest more leisure activities for kids. In the following both of these stands are analyzed.
Advocates of early education refer to economical return of this program. To them, this group of children have more capability for adapting themselves to restricted schedules which are key factors of progress in a country. For example, consider Japan educational
system which starts for three years olds. Eventually, it results in high-ranked economical states of this country; simply because of possessing more highly educated citizens who have begun school earlier.
On the opposite side, others believe that playing, especially
in early years of human life, is crucial in building the personality of individuals. For example, in a football game, the better a child can have relationship with other playmates, the higher result the team gains. Moreover, neuroscientists showed that playing strengthens brain's function of children. Also, because a game is a kind of companionship, it makes kids better future team-workers. What is more, playing as a sport game leads children to be in shape and have a healthier life-style.
All in all, to me happy games are much more beneficial for young children. As a matter of fact, getting stuck to serious studies makes kids one-dimensional and somehow passive, while having more time for playing prepares them for their future real-world problems and relationships.
It is a defense essay. So, I think that you should defend one of these opinions. You have to mention your opinion in the thesis of statement (the last paragraph in your introduction) of your introduction. You have to provide two reasons, or more it depends on the numbers of your paragraph, why you think that way. For the body paragraphs, you should start with a topic sentence,which is the sentence that include a reason, and end it with a very short concluding sentence.
Good luck
