IELTS1: Earnings generated by the selling Fairtrade-labelled coffee and bananas in five countries

My Essay:

coffee and bananas sales numbers

The table charts show earnings generated by the selling Fairtrade-labelled coffee and bananas in some European markets in 1999 and 2004.
Overall, the largest quantity of product purchase on coffee and bananas happen in UK and Switzerland, which generates above 5 million euros in revenue. On the other hand, the Denmark, Belgium and Sweden market makes lower profits.

Out of the five countries, consumer spending on coffees was noticeably higher in the UK at 20 million euros and in Switzerland at 6 million euros in 2004. Concerning the banana consumption, the most important market is Switzerland at 15 and 47 million euros (in 1999 and 2004 respectively), which is followed by the UK generating income of 5.5 million euros in 2004.

It can be seen that Belgian consumed least on the banana as it spent only 600,000 euros on it in 1999, while Danish expended only 900,000 euros for the native tropical Asian fruit. As for coffees, a drink derived from dark brown powder with a strong flavour and smell, don't seem to attract Swedes much as they only pay 800,000 and 1 million euros (in 1999 and 2004, respectively) for it.

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Hi writer
Please make sure you maintain use of past tense in your analysis of the tables especially the first two paragraphs needs attention

Aside from the lack of past tense usage, you should also look into the way that you present the discussions. When you are dealing with 2 charts portraying 2 different products, do the comparison by group. That means you will be able to present a clearer comparison of the coffee consumption and earnings in one paragraph. By using related discussions you will be able to present a highly cohesive and coherent paragraph. You will also not miss any important data within the presentation.

The first paragraph, the summary overview could have used an extra sentence to help better present the summary of information. Avoid lumping 2 sets of information in one sentence. That is considered a run on and will deduct from your C&C score. Also, never use information in a parenthesis in your presentation. Academic essays require full sentence presentations as a part of the main paragraph. It is never mentioned as an afterthought, which is what the parenthesis means. The parenthesis indicates related, but unimportant information. There is no such data in a Task 1 essay.

@Farai kwenda
@Holt
Thank you very much!

Grammar issues:
On the other hand, the Denmark, ...