It would be greatly appreciated if someone could edit and give feedback on my essay for my english class. If you could, point out any errors, or let me know what i should edit/delete.
Thank you in advance
Not Easily Broken: An Examination of Friendships
"I opened my mouth, almost said something. Almost. The rest of my life might have turned out differently if I had. But I didn't. I just watched. Paralyzed." (Khaled Hosseini 73). That is what Amir thinking before he commits the sins against his friend and his half brother, Hassan. This is also the pivotal moment of the novel. Amir is the narrator of the story who tells about his lifein Afghanistan. Hassan is Amir's family servant. He is also Amir's best friend and as Amir later learns, he is his half-brother. He faces discrimination everyday because he is a Hazara; a minority whom the Pashtuns treat like slaves. In The Kite Runner, by Khaled Hosseni, effectively uses vivid description and figurative language to describe the complicated and often times difficult servant master relationship and friendship between Amir and Hassan.
Amir is a young teenager with a wealthy family, living in Afghanistan. His mother dies just after he came out from her womb. He grows up with his father, Baba, and the family servant, Hassan. He doesn't know the that Hassan is his half brother. As he grows up, he thinks that Baba loves Hassan more than him. The reader can see it from the words he said just before the kite flying competition started. "I turned my gaze to our rooftop, found Baba and Rahim Khan sitting on a bench, both dressed in wool sweaters, sipping tea. Baba waved. I couldn't tell if he was waving at me or Hassan." (61). From that, the reader can obviously know that Amir is jealous of Hassan. This vivid description allows the audience to get into Amir's head.
After Amir and Hassan win the kite flying competition, Hassan tells Amir that they will celebrate later and takes off after the blue kite as a trophy for his beloved master. Amir calls out, "Hassan, come back with it!" and Hassan responds with his enduring loyalty, "For you a thousand times over!" (67). This shows Hassan's loyalty toward his master. Amir saw Assef, Wali, and Kamal are about to rape Hassan because Hassan refused to give them the blue kite, but he doesn't say a word. Amir has one last chance to stand up for Hassan before this terrible hurt is inflicted on him. Instead, he runs. As he runs, he convinces himself that this is the price he must pay to win Baba. About fifteen minutes later, at the deserted bazaar, Amir sees Assef and his two friends run by and soon after Hassan came with the blue kite in his hands. (71-78). From that, we can see how Amir is selfish and cowardly. Unlike Amir, Hassan scarifies for his master just to get the blue kite. The love and loyalty that Hassan has towards his master is apparent. When Hassan refuses to give the blue kite to Assef, he says "A loyal Hazara. Loyal as a dog." (72). Hosseini showed the high loyalty of Hassan towards his master by using the simile, "loyal as a dog". Because of vivid description and simile (figurative language) created by Hosseini, the reader can easily come to despise the main character and also the narrator of the novel, Amir, in this scene.
"They change the name of the lake after that, and call it the 'Lake of Amir and Hassan, Sultans of Kabul,' and we get to charge people money for swimming in it." (60). This is the metaphor, comparing Amir and Hassan with the rulers of Kabul, Hosseini used in Hassan's dream to emphasize the powerful relationship that Hassan want to have. The sins committed against Hassan are immediately forgiven, because he loves Amir so much. From this, we can see clearly that Hosseini shows a good example of friendship, even though one is master and another is servant, by helping the reader to imaging in order to see the relationship clearly. Even though Hassan thinks Amir as his master and also his friend, Amir never thinks Hassan as his friend. "But in none of his [Baba's] stories did Baba ever refer to Ali [Hassan's father] as his friend. The curious thing was, I never thought of Hassan and me as friends either." (25). This is another comparison Hosseini made to show that master never think his servant as friend in Afghanistan. Although Amir is cowardly and selfish, he still seems to care for Hassan. When Amir's kite cut the blue kite, the last one, Amir shouts, "We won! We won!" (Page 66). Clearly, Amir feels that he would not have won without Hassan's help.
Amir is overwhelmed with guilt when he allows Hassan to be beaten and raped on the day he wins the kite flying tournament. So he decides to lie to have Hassan accuse of theft so Hassan would leave their home and he could try to forget his guilt. Eventually, Amir and his father fled Afghanistan after the Russians invaded and Amir takes his tragic memories to America to start a new life. Unfortunately, his debt to Hassan must be paid and he returns to his country to find Hassan's orphaned son, Sohrab, and rescues him. There, he discovered that Sohrab had been became the sexual plaything of Assef. Ultimately, Amir must defeat Assef in a raging physical battle, takes the damaged Sohrab out of Afghanistan and tries to help him repair his spirit. (104-292). Even though Amir commits the sins against Hassan, this time he scarifies for Hassan by fighting Assef to help Hassan's son, Sohrab. This is a very brilliant plot Hosseini made up to show the deep relationship between Amir and Hassan by using both vivid description and figurative language.
The Kite Runner is a novel that clearly identifies the value of loyalty, devotion and the fragile relationship between friends because of the class different between them. It also shows a sort of cyclical relationship. First, Hassan scarified for Amir by leaving the house. Later, Amir is overwhelmed with guilt, and saves Hassan's son. From these points, we can see that the servant master relationship and friendship between Amir and Hassan is extremely complicated and difficult.
...That is what Amir is thinking before he commits the sins against his friend...
I really like how you started that first para with a quote and ended it with the title and thesis. Excellent! I became a better writer by reading this. :-)
I think you should not start any of the body paragraphs with quotes, though. Teachers like to see you introduce the quotes by making a claim, and let the quotes serve to illustrate the claim. If you do not write a sentence before the quote, it is called a "dropped quotation," because you simply drpped it on us without warning.
However, at the start of the essay you make great use of a dropped quotation.
...and the fragile relationship between members of different social classes.
