The eating habits and lifestyle of children in different countries/generations.

Topic: In many countries today, the eating habits and lifestyle of children are different from those of previous generations. Some people say this has had a negative effect on their health.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It is every parents' priority to raise healthy children and protect them from the bad effects of the enviorement where they may gain unhealthy eating habits and a life style which has bad effects on them. In my point of view, the eating habits and lifesytle of the previous generation was better than today. They did not have too many opportunities but eating at proper restaurants or home.

There was a considerable change on childrens' eating habits and lifestyle especially after the invention of fast food. Once people enjoyed having fast food instead of proper homemade food, cities were surrounded by number of fast food restaurants and takeaways. Today, it is spreaded all over the world and becoming a big concern for parents.

A proper homemade food obtains less fat which is very important for health. In my childhood, I was forced to eat homemade food by my parents althought I liked the taste of fast food more. 2 years ago, there was a documentary on tv about someone who ate only fast food for a period of 4 weeks. After this period, he went to doctor for a check up and found out that he would lose his liver unless he stops eating rhe way he used to for the last 4 weeks. This documentary proves us how dangerous it is to have an unhealthy eating habit.

In conclusion, there are number of benefits of eating homemade food when it is compared to fast food, and takeaways. Parents should make their children be aware of these benefits so those children will avoid having an unhealthy eating habit and lifesytle. Eventually, they will become healthy individuals.

( Well.. I just checked my essay. I didn't have time to check because I was running out of time, and I also did not want to make changes after I finished the essay coz it wouldnt be like a real exam then. I forgot to discuss about lifestyle I guess. My essay didn't seem right to me right now : ) I wonder if you see any potential here and would be glad if you give me a detalied comment. Thanks alot )

In conclusion, there are number of benefits of eating homemade food when it is compared to fast food, and takeaways. Parents should make their children be aware of these benefits so those children will avoid having an unhealthy eating habit and lifesytle. Eventually, they will become healthy individuals.

^Lol no. Just by omitting poor eating habits and lifestyle does not make you a healthy individual.

I would say you need to evaluate. I do not have any research to prove this, but havent people nowadays become more interested in fitness and sports compared to previous generations?

You give a very narrow viewed answer to this question, by focusing only on home meals vs fast food..
Also, you take a very subjective approach to this question, and the subjectivity is made painstakingly obvious.
You say that this is a time essay. Looking at it, it looks like an essay that was done in 10 minutes.

:) Thanks alot. It was very helpful. I was actually trying to finish it somehow. Maybe I shouldnt have posted it yet. I have a serious problem with picking the right word. I hated the essay after seeing the lenght of corrections you made.. Thanks for your time !

I think you did a good job in the limited time you had. I liked your argument and your example of the documentary Supersize Me. For additional examples, you might have listed the number of fast food outlets you encounter in your daily life, especially if this is more than were there when you were younger. As Liebe said, you could also specify the kind of homemade food you ate at home.

You mention that you forgot to include lifestyle. One way to avoid forgetting something is to brainstorm and then sketch out a very quick outline after reading the question but before beginning to write.

One lifestyle issue that interacts with fast food is that most fast food outlets are associated with multinational corporations and sell American food. When people in other countries eat at McDonalds or KFC, they are not only consuming unhealthy food but also abandoning the traditional foods of their countries. Because food and culture are so deeply linked, many believe fast food to be dangerous to cultural diversity.

Thanks Simone It is very nice of both you and Liebe to make such detailed comments about my essay. After reading both comments, I noticed what I did wrong. Actually, I tried to keep my essay as simple as possible not to make a big gramatical mistake. This topic seemed easy to write at first but then I ran out of ideas and gave a very limited of examples and arguments. I was too focused on grammer that I didnt mind the context of the essay.I think I also used a limited range of formal words in my essay. I am going to take Ielts(academic) 3 days later so I have a very limited time to work on vocabulary. Does my essay seem too informal ?

Next time I will focus on the arguments I will give and try to make essay as logical as possible.
Thanks alot..

Other than using numerals rather than number words, your essay was not too informal. Just remember to use the word rather than the numeral for numbers under twenty and any number that can be expressed in a word or two. Use "one hundred" but 137 and "two million" but 2,975,000.

I get the idea that this is meant as a response to a test prompt, in which you have to write an essay in a very compressed time frame, with no chance to do any research. If that is so, then this essay is okay. Otherwise, it would behoove you to do some research, and to actually look at trends such as increasing life expectancy, increasing average height, increasing IQs, and other factors often partially attributed to better levels of overall nutrition. Supersize Me is a documentary in the same way Michael Moore's films are, which is to say not at all. Looking at more reputable research sources would have given you a stronger case, and you wouldn't have found yourself running out of things to say.

Thanks guys .. I just posted a new essay considering your advises.

And yes Sean. It was for Ielts preparation.

I think you did not focus on the question. Here they asked for eating habits and lifestyle of children. So you should write about how eating habits and lifestyle have changed over the time and the effects.

I don't know but maybe you do not plan your essay before writing, right? Planing is really important.
Eg: Eating habits: children eat less vegetables (lack of vitamin), more fast food, soft drinks, eating a lot while watching Tv - result in high rate of obesity, diseases related to heart, affect children mental and physical health...

Lifestyle: lack of outdoor activities, watching more TV, obsessed with the computer - lead to obesity too, harmful to their eyes, mental health problems...

Thank you for your comment tranqquynh. You are right that I didnt plan my essay well. I think of an argument and focus on that one instead of having brainstorm. I dont have to write a very comprehensive essay for Ielts as long as it is logical and includes a couple of evidence to support the statement I make.