Hi. Please assess my writing and point out my drawbacks. Thank u!
Some people think that it is better to educate girls and boys in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools.
It is argued that male and female students should be separated in different schools, while others support the idea that school should consist of both genders. I will discuss both points of view and argue that a mixture of sexes is ways more beneficial.
Many support the view that schools should consist of both boys and girls. They believe that this will lead to many benefits to a student's emotion, particularly students will be able to study, play, and share with another sex. All of this combination will bring enormous emotional benefits that interacting with the same sex can not generate. I totally agree with this view because imagine that if a class only has one sex, students will feel bored and this might affect their study mood. For example, in some fields such as Information Technology, Engineer, Automation, one class usually composed of men mostly, students alway complain about the lack of women and they say that it badly affects their mood of studying.
However, some oppose the previous idea and favor the idea that schools should separate male and female. They think that mixing both of these genders in a school might lead to love issues which affect their academic success. Students might not really love each other and it is just an instant feeling and an illusion of love that they created themselves. I disagree with this view point because students can both succeed in education and love at the same time, but one thing to notice is that it is not encouraged to love too soon and the relationship should remain healthy.
To summarize, while separate boys and girls in different schools have its own reasons, I am in favor of the idea that there should be a mixture of both sexes to promote interactive activities between genders which better stimulate educational motivation.
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There is no real argument presented here. Just opposing ideas. It is important not to exaggerate the idea presentations because the examiner might see these statements as exaggerations that change the discussion topic focus. What will happen is that the topic will be altered and therefore, suffer point deductions. Additionally, you do not need to repeat the discussion instructions. You just need to present the basis of your personal opinion at the end of the paragraph. These are the elements that the examiner will be looking for in relation to your preliminary task score. Right now, you do not deliver a basis for your opinion reason, which leaves the statement somewhat without a supporting discussion summary.
You chose the perfect discussion presentation. Your personal opinions are clear in relation to the given discussion. However, next time, present the side you do not support first, then move on to the side you do support for a stronger impact. If you present your positive support first, the reader might not be interested to know the reasons why you oppose the other discussion reason. Good job just the same.
While there are some incorrect grammar presentations in the essay, the quality of your work was not severely affected. You have written a passing essay here. Congratulations.