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[Ielts task 2] Education's effectiveness in leading people to a healthy eating habit



thien_my 2 / 1  
Jun 21, 2017   #1
IELTS task 2 :

Scientist agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Other people think that education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opiniion.

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How to make people stay healthy



Education's effectiveness in leading people to a healthy eating habit

Scientific researches have pointed out that overconsumption of junk food can have negative effects on our health. Education is believed by some to be the solution for this issue, while others are skeptical about its effectiveness. Although both parts have reasons to support their views, I am of the opinion that providing nutrition knowledge publicly will be beneficial for a healthier eating habit in society.

On the one hand, education doesn't seem convincing for some people for certain reasons. Firstly, the increasing trend of excessive consumming junk food is mostly found in developed country where techonology is well-developed and lacking information is hardly a problem. In fact, there are many other factor rather than nutrition to concern when one have to choose between processed food and a healthier choice. For example, time-saving and convinience have always been an advantage of fast food, comparing to a full courses meal. It's not just faster but also much easier to just grab a hamburger instead of cooking a menu with balanced protein, glucose and lipid. Morever, whole-grain protein bar doesn't sound as tasty and exciting as bacon and chips for most peole, especially children. Fast food chains with their expanding menus keep appearing in every corners does not make it any easier for maintain a healthy diet.

On the other hand, providing information can certainly benificial to promoting healthy eating habit. Firstly, by being informed of the amount of calories, sodium & nutrition intake, people will see how every food they choose will effect their bodies and be able to adjust their diet accordingly. Secondly, despite the fact that junk food & negative effects are now a common knowledge, most people are still ignorant to the potential diseases they might get if they don't control their consumptions of funk foods. Last but not least, children, who are most attracted to fast food can be led to a healthier lifestyle by means of education. In school, nutrition lessons and raising awareness about avoiding processed food in early years can be more effective than later.

In conclusion, even though some might be skeptical about education's effectiveness in the battle for good eating habit, I'm one to believe it can be the solution for the problem of excessive consumption of junk food if we put enough effort into it.


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Darren Mai 2 / 2  
Jun 21, 2017   #2
It seems like you don't fully understand the question @thien_my
Topic requires you to Discuss both views and give your opinion.
The essay should be in a compare and contrast, with a personal supporting opinion format. Not what you think about education method. My opinion is that you should go back and review the Discussion Type in IELTS Writing Task 2
baljinder 2 / 4  
Jun 21, 2017   #3
@thien_my
topic is about how education can make a difference .or some believe with education nothing can be changed. your essay is about.
in last paragraph I'm one to believe it can be the solution should be I am one to believe...........
otherwise you have good writing skills
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15370  
Jun 21, 2017   #4
Alice, you really did discuss both public opinions using strong reasons and well thought out examples. You have managed to create a balanced discussion of the reasons why education will and will not work to educate the people regarding healthy eating. The problem that I see with your essay is that you did not properly represent and discuss your personal opinion on the matter. While you can use the excuse that you were discussing your personal opinion of both topics throughout the essay, that is not what the examiner required of you. You were to present public opinions of the pro and con kind and then discuss your personal opinion regarding the topic. Your personal opinion should discuss the side of the issue that you support in a complete paragraph. It is never made a one liner at the end of the concluding statement. That is academically unacceptable and shows a lack of ability to properly develop your essay discussion. In which case there are two parts of your final score that will be affected, the task accuracy and grammar accuracy and range. Those will be marked down because your mistake in discussion shows a lack of English comprehension abilities. Meaning, you did not understand the instructions that were given in English.
tran le hai anh 1 / 1  
Jun 23, 2017   #5
Hi @thien_my ! =))

@Holt is alright.
I am myself not really excel at English but I think you should check these out:

Did you mean "researchers" or "researchs" instead of "researches"?
"consuming" not "consumming"
"technology" not "techonology"
"Moreover" not "Morever"
"beneficial" not "benificial"
"convenience" not "convinience", sorry if these are just typing mistakes
To avoid these blunders, I highly recommend you use Grammarly. It also said that "It appears that the quantifier the amount does not fit with the plural countable noun calories. Consider changing it (into a number of)", I'm not sure whether it's right or not.

"In fact, there are many other factors rather than nutrition to beconcerned when one have has to choose between processed food and a healthier choice."

The second explanation sentence in your first body paragraph seems doesn't clear. It's about how attractive junk food is or the advertising? And the two sentences seem to be two examples rather.

About the second body paragraph, I feel so confused. It seems not clear. It seems doesn't have any example, and the second reason seems doesn't explain anything clearly.

Lastly, I think you should have one more graph for your opinion.

That's what I think. If there's anything inaccurate, please tell me

And if you're free, please check my work. Thanks in advance!

Have a nice day! =))


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