Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 2


Education and lifestyle. Causes and Effects of Overweight Children - IELTS Task 2



dinafayna04 5 / 7  
Aug 17, 2016   #1
Obesity has become a major problem in the last ten years. Childhood obesity in western has increased there about 20%. This due to two factors, there are education and lifestyle. As we known that overweight has several negative effects for human kind.

There are two main causes that led to obesity. Education is the first cause, people who have insight about food contents, like protein, fat, carbohydrate, calcium, and vitamin. They will avoid food that contains high-fat and has a large amount of calories, such as pizza, burgers, soft-drink, and another food from fast-food restaurants. In reverse, for those who does not have knowledge about good nutrition, they lack of health-awareness, because they do not know the impacts of their body and they do not care about themselves. They just follow their desire to eat, without think wisely. Lifestyle is a second main cause of overweight. These days, a large number of restaurants and markets are selling high-fat food. Currently, many people who consumes food because it follows trend.

Obesity has negative impacts on the individual and country. The most serious problem, that has health risks. Overweight can lead to many diseases, instance heart disease, diabetes, cancer, and hypertension. Furthermore, obesity is also damaging the psychological condition of sufferers. People who suffer overweight it is difficult to move. It can lead to depression, because they can not do their activities like others. The country is also influenced, because unhealthy citizens are less productive.

To sum up, it is clearly that being overweight it caused by lack of education and also lifestyle. Obese children have unsavoury impacts on their health, such as heart disease and hypertension. I would suggest, people should be aware of their health, and the nutrition that they consumes. They also have to avoid unhealthy food, like junk food that contains high-fat. Additionally, the government have to dedicate their citizens education about healthy food and how to maintain healthy body.

eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1170  
Aug 17, 2016   #2
Welcome to EF!
Without further ado, let me go in a straight forward case of the introduction.
You have shown us a very good intro, but it takes some time to analyze whether you have successfully paraphrase the prompt or not since we have no question attached. For the following essay, it is mandatory that you have to include the prompt.

As we known that overweight has several negative effects for human kind.

A closer look at the red phrase shows that there must some brilliant ideas, but sadly you did not mention them at all. You are suggested explaining you ideas exactly upfront in order to give a headline to your readers.

NB. If you fail to present an introduction with appropriate structure, then it affects your body paragraphs and therefore, I am sure that your score will be lower .


Home / Writing Feedback / Education and lifestyle. Causes and Effects of Overweight Children - IELTS Task 2
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳