Education and scientific researches in developing vs. industrialized counties

Please correct my IELTS essay and give a score?
I would greatly appreciate it

The three bar charts compare interest to education and scientific researches both in developing countries and industrialized countries during the 1980s.
It is clear in the first chart that, people in industrialized countries have spent more years in school than developing countries' people. Also, as years went by the number of years rose for both groups from near 2.5 years in 1980 to 3.5 years in 1990 in developing countries and for industrialized countries the numbers were tripled.

The trend in second chart is the same as previous chart. There were a considerable increase in number of scientists and technicians in industrialized countries, while the growth in developing countries was not remarkable.

According to the charts, there were growth trends in all figures, exception is the amount of money which have been spent on research and development in developing countries. Money decreased doubled between 1990 and 1980 from US $ 50 million to US $ 25 million. In noticeable contrast, there were more than twice as much money spend in industrialized countries in 1980 than that of in 1990.

In general, the rate of development in education and science in industrialized countries was more than that of in developing countries.

Thanks alot.
Ana

Dear pendar,


=> ... more years in school than those living in developing countries/ones.


=> ... for both groups, the number of years rose from nearly 2.5 years in 1980 to 3.5 years in 1990 in developing countries and threefold from... (data) to ... (data) in industrialized ones.

The use of "also" is not quite clear here. As far as I am concerned, "also" can only be used if the trend mentioned above is repeated. However, I can see no similarity reflected in the first and second sentence.


=> ... there were upward trends..., except the amount of money which was spent on...


=> the amount of money halved (is this the word you are looking for?)...


=> often, people use "sharp/stark contrast" and the common collocation will be "something stands in sharp contrast to something else"


=> when it comes to "rate", you had better add some adjective, like " the rate of... was higher/faster... than that in developing countries" , depending on the context. I guess "higher" is appropriate here. ( though it seems that "more" is also acceptable in this case)

Well, If I were the examiner, I would give you a 5.o to 5.5 for this report, considering your grammar and lexical resource. Btw, it is better to figure out the trend that happens in the three charts and put that overall trend right after the introduction, just to be on the safe side, in case you are running out of time and cannot write the conclusion. That would be, I guess, the best strategy :)

Just some ideas :D Guess they help!

Cheers,

PS: I'm afraid I cannot see the charts here.