Essay about educational policy which favor certain subjects

Ielts Writing task 2 question

Modern societies need specialists in certain fields, but not others. Some people therefore think that governments should pay university fees for students who study subject that are needed by society. Those who choose to study less relevant subjects should not receive government funding. Would the advantages of such an educational policy outweigh the disadvantages?

MY ESSAY:
It is sometimes argued that government should provide free education for certain university subjects that meet the social demands, while ignoring less popular ones. I firmly believe that despite some short-term benefits it might bring, this funding scheme will bring many more negative impacts on the development of the country as a whole.

Focusing resources on training high level workers in certain fields may often help a country reach its temporary goal. Japan after World War 2, for example, was in a surge of demand for building back their ruined infrastructures, which certainly requires a large number of engineers, architects and other experts in heavy industry sector. Such giant task can only be achieved by training more experts in the desired areas, possibly through a government-funded program. By doing this, the country can secure a sufficient labor force for national key projects, and many students will also benefit from not having to worry about any financial issue while studying as well as employment output after graduation.

However, I would argue that these benefits are outweighed by many adverse consequences, first and foremost of which is the great unbalance in workforce allocation. Covering tuition fees for students who study in areas relevant to society's interest only will make most students enroll in the corresponding subjects, which therefore will cause a lack of specialists in other important but not as trendy areas such as education and healthcare. During Covid 19 pandemic, countries that once put too much stress on natural resources exploration, like Venezuela and Argentina, have been forced to exchange valuable gold and oil for bread to feed people. Such unfavorable trade and food security crisis wouldn't have happened if those countries had focused on building more sustainable and balanced economy, part of which could be achieved by training more experts in agriculture. From students' perspective, a biased funding program also limits the accessibility to college education of poor but talented students, who should normally be the first on any sponsoring list.

In conclusion, it seems to me that the potential drawbacks of this plan are more significant than any possible benefits.

The prompt restatement is slightly incorrect. The first presentation, which you are restating does not indicate that the government should ignore the students enrolled in less popular / socially imperative courses. Rather, it merely states that the government should not subsidize their studies as they might the other, more popular, and necessary courses. That incorrect section of the interpretation will receive a lower marking consideration since it does not truly represent the original content. However, the deductions will be offset by your good response in the writer's opinion. Although the thesis statement is not completely presented, the response provided is good enough to receive relevant marks for task accuracy. It could have been more completely presented but this will do for now.

The problem is that your actual discussion uses (1) an oudated example in World War 2 Japan and (2) deviates from the possible correct discussion of how these scholarships could have an effect on educational policies. Since this is an advantage v. disadvantage essay, the format that you used was not entirely correct. The proper debate topic could have helped you stay on track in a better way. Such a format would have entailed:

Sentence 1 - Advantage
Sentence 2 - Benefits of the advantage
Sentence 3 - Possible disadvantage
Sentence 4 - Expand on the reality of the disadvantage
Sentence 5 - (optional) An example that supports the disadvantage

In the end, it appears that you have not clearly explained your opinion in this presentation. While you did understand the question, you missed out on using relevant discussion presentations that would have properly reflected the A v. D requirements of the topic in question.