Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback % width Posts: 2

A policy that regulates international languages as mandatory subjects for youngsters (IELTS 2)


Ali20 7 / 13 2  
Nov 27, 2019   #1

All children should study a foreign language, starting in the earliest grades.


To what extent do you agree or disagree to this statement ?


There is a policy regulates an international languages as mandatory subjects for young age. In my point of view, I totally agree with the regulation since children has a clear memorial and it devotes them wide opportunities to get international experiences.

To begin with, it is generally known that young people has a good ability to memorize and to assimilate a lesson. People argue it is because they have not faced complexity as well as problems in their daily activities, hence it gives them possibility to learn intensively about new languages. Furthermore, children can easily imitate a precise pronunciation of words and conceive the meaning. Then, the methods give them huge benefits and can lead them to become expert in the earliest age.

Another reason of applying foreign languages to curriculum of young age education is giving them immense chances to participate in global communities. It is acceptable that the main goal of education is transforming civilization becomes more sophisticated, and it requires a large collaboration. Thus, preparing skillful students through studying foreign languages is comprehensive way to participate in international networking. Taking for instance, my classmate in university who had learn English since elementary school and Arabic when staying in boarding house during secondary school have much opportunities joining international events rather than others students who learn English only in senior high school.

To conclude, I rE-declare my position that I fully agree with the notion considered by strong memorial children have and the possibilities to join international projects.

Maria [Contributor] - / 1,047 372  
Nov 27, 2019   #2
@Ali20
Hi there. Thanks for being a continuous participant in the forum! I hope that this feedback gives you insight on how to improve your writing.

Firstly, always tackle the details heads-on in a way that will help you become more specific with the information you put out here. For instance, the introductory paragraph could still have been shaped in this manner. As a rule of thumb, try asking yourself follow-up questions after each sentence that you write. A clear essay shouldn't leave any untrimmed edges unanswered in order to boldly proclaim what the thesis statement is.

Furthermore, try to use more appropriate language that will not cause confusion in the minds of the readers. If we take a look at your third paragraph, for example, the second sentence's mention of a "large collaboration" doesn't necessarily make a whole lot of sense. You could have jumped straight into explaining that this is a method of networking than anything else. In that sense, you could have created something that was more straightforward and easily comprehensible.

The conclusion also needs to be hammered down more because you cannot merely just re-declare your position. You need to provide a second layer of analysis for the readers in this part of the text.


Home / Writing Feedback / A policy that regulates international languages as mandatory subjects for youngsters (IELTS 2)