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Educational system is the thing that I fairly certain that we need to change soon in our country


Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Sep 26, 2014   #1
If you could change one important thing about your country, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

Educational System Change

If you could change one important thing about your country, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer. Toefl

There are numerous things in Cambodia that necessitate to change immediately. However, it seems to me that educational system is the most prominent of all of them, due to the fact that it does not provide us with sufficient English skills, and also courses that can be studied by busy people who cannot arrange their timetable reasonably.

Foremost and uppermost is language because in our country still poor, and it is not traditional to learn English properly for us. Consequently, our educational system is very weak at teaching English or even others languages. Therefore it leads us towards lack of capacity speaking, and writing and so on. Despite this possibillity , minority people from our country succeed in learning English, because they were able to learn English from different resources. Internet is the small example for it. However I believe that majority of people agree with me that it is really challenging to comprehend many aspects in English in our country. By way of illustriation, I can recall myself savvying English .It was really difficult I could not pose questions to almost anybody in my country something associated with English grammars and structures. Thus it was a great obstacle for me to perfect my English skills.

Secondly, It is time management, Many of us need money paying for tuition or even reinforcing our family. Even though, some of us still sustain from those circumstances that I mentioned above, but it is really tough because our universities do not give us a variety of timetable to choose in order to balance our hassles and studies. For instance, being a wonderful student and being wonderful kingpin is too much for my brother. Thus he had to skipped some of the lectures and seminars to support our family. Subsequently our brother got fired from our neaby universities.

By way of a conclusion based on the arguments explored above. I must say that our educational system is a nightmare for many people due to the fact that it does not supply us sufficient English knowledge and the schedule that can apply for many people in different situtations. So yes, If I had an opportunity to alter something in my country then our educational system will be a number priority for me.
william731 18 / 43 13  
Sep 26, 2014   #2
In the first paragraph, I thought you are going to talk about transportation but then you turned to the topic of educational system. So what is the point of mentioning public transportation?

Foremost and uppermost, languages.

This seems like an incomplete sentence.

Despite this possibility,

What is "this possibility" referring to?

I think it would be better to specify which countries's universities do not provide sufficient level of English study because speaking English is not a problem to people in English speaking countries.

In the third paragraph, you talked about time then you mentioned part-time job but the links between these two ideas are weak.
OP Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Sep 26, 2014   #3
thanks for your incredibly useful advice, but i really do not know how to extend this phrase as you above-mentioned ,,Foremost and uppermost, languages.''
OP Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Sep 26, 2014   #4
any critical advice would be helpful and also if you do not mind please fix some of my grammar mistakes i will really appreciate for your efforts ;D
lastsky 3 / 5 1  
Sep 26, 2014   #5
There are numerous things in Cambodia that necessitate to change immediately
I suggest:
There are numerous necessary things in Cambodia needed to change immediately.

"due to the fact ..."
I think 'because' seems better, since "due to" is often put ahead of this sentence.
OP Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Sep 27, 2014   #6
lastsky, how about my grammars can u advice me something about it?:D
william731 18 / 43 13  
Sep 27, 2014   #7
Foremost and uppermost is language because in our country still poor, and it is not traditional to learn English properly for us.

I think foremost and uppermost have similar meaning.
You could just say : The foremost thing that needs to be changed is the foreign linguistic education.
When you say language, that includes your own language as well, not just English. So it kind of has a meaning that your country has poor language system.

Internet is the small example for it

It is weird to say small example.

The second point is not about time management, it is all about lack of courses designed for people who have to work. So you could just say lack of part-time courses or something like that.
ngohavu 2 / 4  
Sep 27, 2014   #8
capacity of speaking
niesaysi 16 / 290 85  
Sep 27, 2014   #9
Foremost and uppermost is language because in our country still poor, and it is not traditional to learn English properly for us.

First and foremost, in terms of language, people in our country are not native speakers of English language,so it is quite difficult for them to use it in communication.

Consequently, our educational system is very weak at teaching English or even others languages. Therefore it leads us towards lack of capacity speaking, and writing and so on.

Considering the focus of our educational curriculum is not English or even other languages, a lot experience linguistic difficulties both in writing and speaking.
Anfalia 40 / 56 23  
Sep 27, 2014   #10
"layout" is very important. you should divide your essay into several parts.
Anfalia 40 / 56 23  
Sep 27, 2014   #11
and also

in my opinion that is redundant words. you should use one of that word and it will not change the meaning.
also, "layout" is very important to divide into several parts.
hopefully this help.. :)
RevtZ_hh 3 / 12  
Sep 27, 2014   #12
I suggest the fellowing:
-Using underprivileged instead of poor (it's more academic).
-Delete "due to the fact" and put "because".
-...our educational system is very weak at teaching English or even others languages ... : Cambodian Educational System is unstructured and outdated especially when it comes to teaching English, not to mention other foreign languages.
hamedmas 27 / 58 19  
Sep 27, 2014   #13
nd also courses that can be studied by busy people busy teachers who cannot arrange their timetable reasonably.

Despite this possibillity , minoritysmall group of people from our country succeed in learning English, because they were able to learn English from different resources.


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