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IELTS> effects from using computers everyday; 'overuse and misuse computers'

supernoob101 3 / 5  
Oct 13, 2011   #1
Hi everyone, please help correcting my essay. Many thanks.

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children.
Do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

People have different views about the use of computers. While there are good arguments in favour of letting children use computers whenever they want, I believe it is better to limit the hours that children can spend on using this form of modern technology.

There are some obvious advantages young children can get from using computers regularly. First, if a child uses a computer to keep accounts, to create document, or to run a software, either for entertaining or studying, he or she could have great computer skills which would be a big help in his or her working life. Second, computers are being increasingly used in shopping. When being connected to the Internet a computer is very helpful in purchasing many different products or services online. If the children can get this benefit from using computers, their life can be a lot easier.

However, without the supervision from adults, children often misuse computers. They are easily attracted by electronic games that tend to be intense and rather violent. The player is usually the 'hero' of the game and too much exposure can encourage children to be self-centred and intensive to others.

Even when children use a computer for other purposes, such as getting information or emailing friends, it is no substitute for human interaction. Spending time with other children and sharing nonvirtual experiences is an important part of a child's development that cannot be provided by a computer.

In conclusion, it seems that the main point is to make sure that young children do not overuse and misuse computers. Parents should allow a specific amount of time for their children to sit in front of a computer and encourage them to learn to enjoy other kinds of activity and interact with other people.

beepro21 15 / 22  
Oct 13, 2011   #2
I think that your writing is not persuasive enough. When you want to oppose an idea, you have to give strong points. For example, you should write about health problems related to using computers for a long time such as obesity, short-sighted eyes so on. In addition, without adult's control, children can have access to black webs, which can affect seriously children's healthy personality development.
OP supernoob101 3 / 5  
Oct 13, 2011   #3
Thank you everyone.

@De Silva: I know what you mean, perhaps children don't have money to go shopping online. I think I may change it into using internet banking. Children nowadays need to learn how to open an account and use a computer to manage it. It could be a jump on other kids if they know how to do it because they can learn to value money and be a saver; they may start deposit money into their accounts and start earning interests.

What do you think about this point?

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