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IELTS TASK 1: Electricity Generation in Germany in 3 decades; nuclear rose dramatically

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Apr 7, 2016   #1
A breakdown of the information about source of generating electricity in Germany is depicted in the pie chart. It is measured in units between 1980 and 2010. Overall, it can be seen that, nuclear rose dramatically, while natural gas witnessed a sharp decline over 3-decade period.

With regards to the three highest resources of electricity generation, in 1980, nuclear stood at 20 units, while coal and petroleum started at 28 and 22 units respectively. In the next 3 decades, the usage of nuclear as an energy grew sharply to the top of 155 units, while petroleum experienced a slight growth and coal remained unchanged. In addition, after 30 years, all sources of producing electrical energy doubled to roughly 107 units.

Concerning to the other two sources of electricity production, natural gas generated 28 units, while hydro only produced 7 units. Thirty years later, 2010 witnessed a tremendous plunge to the lowest level of natural gas usage. In the same year, hydro saw a significant decline to the identical number of source usage, at approximately 2 units.

justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Apr 7, 2016   #2
Hi Mochtar, a few modifications from my end;

- about the source of generating
- nuclear power rose dramatically,
- over a 3-( a hyphen is not necessary at this point) decade period.

- Concerning toWith the other

As expected, you only have very minor edits on your essays, you know this craft better and you can write analysis and essays in a breeze. Now, I believe you will be writing more and having said that, mind your usage of the 'the', 'by' and a few linking verbs that somehow confuses you and this may ruin the essay, so be very cautious with the usage of this words, you also need to pay close attention to how you start a paragraph, this is the first impression and I know that you know this very well, this greatly affects the transition of the essay and if you started strong, then it should end stronger with the help of a smooth transition.
Zizou88 1 / 1 1  
Apr 23, 2016   #3
Hi Mochtar, your report is basically excellent as it is well-organised and being able to understand easily. I just have some notices on it :

- "...is depicted in the pie charts ." -- this is because the task has 2 charts.
-"...in 1980, nuclear stood at 20 units...", "...started at 28 and 22 units respectively." I think you should avoid using word like "stood at, started at" in the pie chart case because, from my point of view, these words are generally more appropriate for line graph, in which the time frame described. Instead, you are actually able to say: "In 1980, the number of nuclear generator was only 20 units..."

Well, by the way, do you read some books provided by IELTS Buddy? This is just because your sentences style seems like that kind of books.
MaximKlopunov99 13 / 22 4  
May 11, 2016   #4
Hi Mochtar, after your comments on my previous essay, I decided to read model answers. I suppose that your description is well-organised. Nevertheless, let me make a few suggestions about the word use.

Nuclear stoodor it's also possible to say nuclear energy/power etc...
while hydro only produced it's also possible to write hydro energy

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