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Should we encourage children to be competitive or cooperative?



adriennelin 11 / 24  
Aug 15, 2010   #1
I'd love some feedbacks on my IELTS essay. Thanks!

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

It seems that we are living in a world full of competitions, from academic competitions since young age to office competitions in adult lives, even singing contests are in fashion these days. It is some people's beliefs that children should be encouraged to be competitive when they were little, while some hold the view that we should teach them the importance of co-operation instead of winning. From my point of view, I tend to believe that a little competition is needed, although it should not be a necessity in lives.

It is said that there is a greater chance of winning if one had a better head start. That is why children need to get used to competition as early as possible, due to the fact that they have to face that eventually. Some people worry that if we do not prepare them for it, they cannot survive that pressure. This might be true.

However, every so often we saw the news about how high school student commit suicide when they did not get an ideal grade. They cannot stand the fact that they lost to someone else or fail to enter a top university. Putting to much pressure on them can only lead to a result that is sympathetic. Learning how to work with people, and develop interpersonal skills sound more promising when debating on how we should teach our offspring.

In conclusion, some competition for youngsters in their school lives might be benevolent for them. Nevertheless, it is more realistic to teach them how to interact and socialize with others. I believe that it is more useful to possess a skill of dealing with people rather than beating them.

(281 words)

MissS1987 3 / 8  
Aug 15, 2010   #2
you believe that cooperation is much more important then competition, right?
I think it is alittle messy to find what are you saying...
If u do think cooperation is crucial, why do not try some ideas like ... teamwork bring more success, people need others to cooperate with and to get new ideas, the parterners will stimulate our new ideas...access to achieve success...

anyway, aboves are just my personal opion...hope to see your other essays.
OP adriennelin 11 / 24  
Aug 15, 2010   #3
Thank you Maria for the corrections! :)
I'll work on how to express my idea in a more logical way.

I was going to writing the sentence like this:
Putting too much pressure on them can only lead to a result thatno one wants to see .
Haha, I figured using one word would be better.
Obviously not if I chose the wrong word...

***
Thank you MissS1987.

I guess my biggest problem is that I don't outline my points before writing it.
I just write down what's on my mind because I'm so afraid that there won't be enough time.
(In IELTS, the essay should be finished in 40 minutes.)
I'll revise my essay based on the suggestions you gave me. :)

Hey, I sure can use all the help I get!
The more opinions the better!
Yayz 10 / 94  
Aug 15, 2010   #4
Putting too much pressure on them can only lead to a result that no one wants to see.

That's a really good sentence! You should keep it! =)

I guess my biggest problem is that I don't outline my points before writing it.
I just write down what's on my mind because I'm so afraid that there won't be enough time.

I think that is my problem with timed essays, too. Hopefully we can both improve! =)

I'll revise my essay based on the suggestions you gave me. :)

Awesome. You should post it in this thread so we can try helping you more :-)

Good luck! :)


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