I'd love some feedbacks on my IELTS essay. Thanks!
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
It seems that we are living in a world full of competitions, from academic competitions since young age to office competitions in adult lives, even singing contests are in fashion these days. It is some people's beliefs that children should be encouraged to be competitive when they were little, while some hold the view that we should teach them the importance of co-operation instead of winning. From my point of view, I tend to believe that a little competition is needed, although it should not be a necessity in lives.
It is said that there is a greater chance of winning if one had a better head start. That is why children need to get used to competition as early as possible, due to the fact that they have to face that eventually. Some people worry that if we do not prepare them for it, they cannot survive that pressure. This might be true.
However, every so often we saw the news about how high school student commit suicide when they did not get an ideal grade. They cannot stand the fact that they lost to someone else or fail to enter a top university. Putting to much pressure on them can only lead to a result that is sympathetic. Learning how to work with people, and develop interpersonal skills sound more promising when debating on how we should teach our offspring.
In conclusion, some competition for youngsters in their school lives might be benevolent for them. Nevertheless, it is more realistic to teach them how to interact and socialize with others. I believe that it is more useful to possess a skill of dealing with people rather than beating them.
(281 words)
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
It seems that we are living in a world full of competitions, from academic competitions since young age to office competitions in adult lives, even singing contests are in fashion these days. It is some people's beliefs that children should be encouraged to be competitive when they were little, while some hold the view that we should teach them the importance of co-operation instead of winning. From my point of view, I tend to believe that a little competition is needed, although it should not be a necessity in lives.
It is said that there is a greater chance of winning if one had a better head start. That is why children need to get used to competition as early as possible, due to the fact that they have to face that eventually. Some people worry that if we do not prepare them for it, they cannot survive that pressure. This might be true.
However, every so often we saw the news about how high school student commit suicide when they did not get an ideal grade. They cannot stand the fact that they lost to someone else or fail to enter a top university. Putting to much pressure on them can only lead to a result that is sympathetic. Learning how to work with people, and develop interpersonal skills sound more promising when debating on how we should teach our offspring.
In conclusion, some competition for youngsters in their school lives might be benevolent for them. Nevertheless, it is more realistic to teach them how to interact and socialize with others. I believe that it is more useful to possess a skill of dealing with people rather than beating them.
(281 words)
