Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

Essay about encouraged young people to work or travel between studies

wiwin90 1 / 1  
Jan 26, 2016   #1
IELTS writing task 2.In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for year between finishing highshool and starting universitiy studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Education is important for our life. Education can give us better life. Usually after we have graduated from highschool we will continue to study in university.There is a big different between highschool and university life. In highschool we no pretend to be mature. We just learn everything that interesting even playing. in university it's really different. We must start thinking about our future, to be critical, and pretend to be mature. University life also the way for us to reach our career in the future.

In several countries there is encouraged to take work on traveling between finishing highschool and begin university life. I think that's a good thing. Sometimes student get confused to decide their subject in university. They don't know what they want to be in the future. Take a break of study for a year can give them space to review their life. Work or traveling, both of them can give us knowledge, experience, even something that we not accept in formal education. In working we can get representation of real life, skill, and experience definetly. We can try several job to find out our passion. It's really help for choose subject in university.

Traveling also give us a lot of experience, moment, and knowledge that we not accept if that's not traveling. Traveling is not just walking to somewhere and take a picture. Traveling is a journey. Sometimes some people define it as a journey to find out them selves. In traveling we can meet many people, many place, a lot of moment that can give us maturity, wisdom, happiness, even mean of life.

However there is disadvantage too for take a break a year in academic. Since we not study for a year we can get difficulties to pass university entrance test. We must learn again from the beginning . It will take a long time and hard time. Beside that some countries such as my country (Indonesia) have a rule that the student only have three chances for enrolled in public university since they finishied high school. It's mean we only have two chance left,

since we take a break for a year in academic. Furthermore, we also wait more for graduate from university and get a job. I think it's crucial thing for someone who have financial problem.

ilankelo21 36 / 41 22  
Jan 26, 2016   #2
HI Wiwin...after reading your essay I think your introduction is not relevant enough. You should point out what the question means and do not forget to state clearly your opinion towards the case. Here I give an example.

Many young people tend to engage in working or holding traveling for some years. Instead of many benefits to gain like valuable work experiment and the extensive understanding in real life, I am more likely to argue that being an employee or traveler brings more demerits such as less enthusiasm to college and tendency to live without goals.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Jan 27, 2016   #3
Win, the opening statement of the essay is what reveals your understanding of the prompt, your logical understanding of the wya it should be discussed, and what you personal understanding of the prompt actually is. These are the main factors that the examiner will look at when deciding your initial essay grade. Therefore, writing the introduction in the proper manner is very important to your final grade. Let me show you an example of how to write the opening statement for this prompt. Perhaps it can help you better write your future opening statements.

In some countries like Europe and the United States, students who graduate from high school are encouraged by their parents and teachers to take a year off from academics before pursuing higher studies. They claim that the rest given to the brain during this period helps the student to better decide upon what he wants to pursue in college. That is because they get to live life and experience various adventures that they would not have it they go directly to school. Others say that working after high school teaches the graduate to be more responsible and handle responsibilities. Both of these arguments make sense for taking a gap year. However, I believe that there are other positive and negative considerations to be taken into account before one can decide to take a gap year.

At the end of that introduction, you can present your opinion if required by the essay prompt.
OP wiwin90 1 / 1  
Jan 27, 2016   #4
Thank you for your explanation and example. I will try to make that point in the future essay.

Home / Writing Feedback / Essay about encouraged young people to work or travel between studies