Unanswered [15] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year. Agree or Disagree?


intiaiqbal92 13 / 13 2  
Apr 30, 2015   #1
In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting universities studies.
Discuss the advantages and the disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.


In many part of countries, many young people have a break after graduating from high school. For this reason, some people think that it is good for pupils to work and to travel before entering university since this trend can help young people to obtain life and work experince. On the other hand, for some others, they argue a gap year is a waste of time and money. Therefore, I personally believe this approach would give a significant impacts for students.

Most people think that a gap year would help teenagers to gain some work and life experiences prior to starting university. For teenagers, traveling offers an opportunity broaden their horizons and recognize about different countries and also cultures. Therefore, spending time in a new place while working makes for a less superficial meeting than only being there as a holidaymakers. Also, traveling provides work experience and improve their foreign language skills. Additionally, a gap year could assist students are becoming independent as it would need some organization skill to manage their finances by themselves. In other words, working and traveling experiences would develop some skills to young people.

However, there are some negative effects for this approach. Firstly, the most serious problem about a gap year would give negative impact on teenagers' future academics peformance as they may lose their motivation to continue their formal education at the university. Thus, traveling and working in young age would definitely waste their time since the work experience gained may not be very relevant to a person's career in the future.

To summarize, although some people think that a gap year only wastes young people's time, I firmly believe this trend would be useful for them in the next years ahead. It is imperative that young people should decide how they want to spend a gap year prior to studying at the University.

lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Apr 30, 2015   #2
1st paragraph: Do you mean many parts of the world in your opening sentence? In that same sentence, I would suggest not repeating: many. You can delete many before young people in that sentence. Please place "a" before university. Place a comma after university. There is a misspelling of experience. I'm unsure how this approach would have a significant impact for students. Please explain this to the reader.

2nd paragraph: Please place "a" before university. Put "to" after opportunity. Also, using recognize about can be quite confusing. Did you want to say that teenagers learn about different countries? Also do you feel that teenagers, who work in a country, are more productive and not a casual vacationer? Make improve plural by adding -s. These last two sentences need some work. I think you want to express that a gap year makes students become more financially independent. They are better equipped for the real world. A simple way to say it would be to say they would develop skills to use later in life.

3rd paragraph: Change to: would be the negative...future academics and performance,... This last sentence needs some work. If you discuss it using teenager you can continue to use "their" in the sentence. Ex: Teenagers have to continually study so their grades will not be impacted and they can reach their goals. (You can see that by using teenagers, you can use the same adjective-their).

4th paragraph: You can just state, "years ahead". The last sentence, delete "should".

Hope this helps!!!
EF_Carol - / 145 39  
May 14, 2015   #3
Therefore, I personally believe that this approach would give significant impacts for students.

Your intro needs a stronger thesis statement, or last sentence. What is your opinion? Put it there

It is imperative that young people should decide how they want to spend a gap year prior to studying at the University.

Your assuming that everyone considers a gap year, prior to college. Not true. You need to conclude with a relevant comment, drawn from the text. If you want reader respect, and a strong conclusion, you must draw one, in your own mind.

Perhaps reread the whole thing, and weigh the pros and cons. If you decide the answer, then your reader will too! Pick one of the ideas presented in the intro.

Otherwise, a good effort, and well written.


ef. _ carol


Home / Writing Feedback / Young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year. Agree or Disagree?