Hello. I need some feedback/help on an essay I just wrote today for a cause and effect project in english. I would like some constructive feedback. I also need to cite my sources at the end of the paper and need to know how I should format that. Thank you. This is a great site by the way, very helpful and useful.
Ending Underage Drinking by Making It Legal
For teens to make the right decision over drinking responsibly versus drinking to get
drunk, has it's downfalls in many ways. By lowering the legal drinking age an abundance
of health and developmental issues will be inevitable. Many adults are irresponsible as it is....
Good afternoon.
As far as formatting and citing your paper, that is determined by the specific guidelines of your instructor along with the required citation style (determined by your instructor or institution). Ask your instructor as to how he/she would like the paper formatted, and they should be able to direct you to some information on the citation style as well.
"Ending Underage Drinking by Making It Legal
For teens, making the right decision over drinking responsibly versus drinking to get
drunk, has it's(Avoid using contractions in formal academic writing.) downfalls in many ways.
Why submerge the younger generation to an adult level that will be too much for them to handle?
Alcohol can be a deadly weapon if not used correctly, in moderation, and by those who are responsible
enough to know when they have reached their intake limit. What about the biological end of this? Is drinking at younger and younger ages harmful to a younger person's health?
There are strong believers that would like to see the age limit lowered despite it's many
dangerous values. The Amethyst Group, which supports informed and unimpeded
debate on the 21 year-old drinking age and which consists of chancellors, as well as college and university
presidents across the United States, have signed their names to a public
statement stating that despite the minimum legal drinking age of 21, there are a great number of
young people continuing to binge drink on many campuses.
The Amethyst group states that if people under 21 years old are deemed capable of
voting, paying taxes, signing contracts, enlisting in the military and serving on juries, why should
they be told that they are not mature enough to drink. The answer is simple, they are still
developing and growing from young human beings to adults. Children and teens need a solid
foundation from adults. They need stability, a place to call home, to be focused on their classwork , building friendships, and looking forward to their future instead of partying and drinking.
The Amethyst Initiative group is counting on elected officials to weigh all facts and
consequences of the current alcohol policies and urges officials to invite new ideas on how to
best prepare young adults to make responsible choices about alcohol use.
In reference to the Alcohol Policies Project, a public survey was conducted between
April and October 1997. The survey was funded by the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation and
prepared by the University of Minnesota Alcohol Epidemiology Program. This survey was
designed to measure the public's attitudes concerning the issues and policies surrounding youth
access to alcohol. The findings were astonishing. 80% of adults favor a law that sets the minimum
age to sell or serve alcoholic beverages at 21. The public concerns regarding traffic deaths was
polled at 92% of adults that have heard news that youth drivers are involved in traffic deaths.
79% of adults agree that advertisements for alcohol beverages should be restricted to make
drinking less appealing to kids. Advertisement for alcohol beverages increase how much people
drink and 58% of adults agree with this statement.
Lowering the minimum drinking age is definitely a bad idea. In 1984, Congress passed
the National Minimum Purchase Age Act, this act was passed to encourage each state to enact a
minimum legal purchase age of 21 by the year 1986. The results were very impressive with an
estimated 1,071 lives saved in 1987 alone. From 1975-1996, the estimated number of lives saved
increased to nearly 17,000. Additionally a 63% decline in alcohol-related crashes among youth
drivers since 1982was documented . The findings also show that while DUI arrests decreased so did youth
suicides, marijuana use, crime, and alcohol consumption.
The behavior of those 18 years old will have a negative effect on those younger than
them. The younger generation will typically imitate the practices of those who are slightly older
and will be more likely to drink. The earlier a person begins to use alcohol, the greater the risk of
substance abuse and brain damage. If the legal drinking age is lowered the level of
alcoholic dependency increases, as do traffic accidents, vandalism, and arrest rates.
I strongly oppose lowering the drinking age from 21 to 18. I believe that by lowering
the drinking age, this will have more of a negative than positive effect on our youth and our
country. For instance, on a national average, someone is killed by a drunk driver every 40
minutes, should that rate be allowed to rise? In the United States the public spends an estimated
$114 billion dollars in alcohol related accidents and deaths. Teen drivers account for a high
percentage of alcohol-related crashes three in every ten Americans.
I believe that education is a key factor in keeping youth from becoming addicted to
alcohol and suffering from possible tragic effects by not being responsible. The AA (Alcoholics
Anonymous) organization and other organizations like it should be active participants in our school systems . When
someone sees or hears how alcohol has impacted, changed, or destroyed lives , this makes
people want to be different and to make a positive change in their lives. By bringing the truth to
the youths daily on how alcohol effects people, this may help to detour them from ever
using it."
Good job. Some corrections, but you've got a good argument. Make sure you cite all of the statistics in this essay to maintain its strength. Nice work.
Please review outline for speech project. Thank you
The Effects of Underage Drinking
General Purpose:
To inform people how lowering the drinking age from 21 to 18 will effect teens and parents in a negative way.
Specific Purpose:
If the law passes a bill that will allow a younger generation of kids under 21 years old to drink, effects of drinking at an early stage will have devastating consequences: biologically and educational focus will be lost.
Thesis:
I strongly oppose lowering the drinking age from 21 to 18. I believe that by lowering the drinking age, this will have more of a negative than positive effect on our youth and our country.
Organizational Strategy:
From younger generations we have learned that many early age deaths have occurred due to health issues from consuming alcohol in various measures. As a young adult grows and becomes an adult various issues and downfalls of alcoholism and possibly drug abuse will follow.
I. Introduction:
For teens to make the right choices in life, adult responsibility must be present and forceful in it's tactics to inform and educate on alcohol and drug use.
Attention Getter (A)
Would you want your child to start drinking at 18? Considering that a person is killed by a drunk driver every 40 minutes.
Reveal (B)
In the United States the public spends an estimated $114 billion dollars in alcohol related accidents and deaths
Teen drivers account for a high percentage of alcohol-related crashes three in every ten Americans.
If the age limit is dropped at such a critical state in a child's life when they are most influenced, the rate of alcohol dependency will raise. So will deaths, vandalism, homelessness, suicide, teen pregnancy and homicides.
Preview - (Credibility statement)
There have been many deaths among youth whom consume alcohol not to mention that alcohol could become the starting point of other addictive substances .
Main Point 1 Biological Effects (Death and accident statistics)
1. Sub point (e.g., according to)
According to The National Institute of Health, "Adolescence is a period of rapid growth and physical change. " Consuming alcohol during this stage can disrupt development in ways that have long-term consequences."
2. Sub point Support (examples, statistics, visuals)
*Statistics show that three out of ten American children will be effected by alcoholism in some way.
*According to the Drug Abuse Warning Network (DAWN):
"During 2004, an estimated 142,701 alcohol-related ER visits were made by patients 12-20."
* "Nearly half (42%) of drug related ER visits by patients 12-20 involved alcohol.
*Other studies show that bing drinking or heavy drinking behavior is noticeably equal in numbers among underage males and females.
* Nearly half of American secondary students have tried an illicit drug by the time they reach high school graduation.
*The bill that saved several more thousand lives passed in 1984, National Minimum Purchase Age Act. Setting the standard alcohol purchasing age to 21 years old. By 1986, every state was in compliance.
3. Sub point Support (Alcohol dependency downfalls)
Alcohol dependency levels will rise if the age limit is lowered. Thus sending more children into:
*AA programs
*Increase in death rates
*Fatal accidents that will also increase insurance and medical rates
*Suicides
*Other drug paraphernalia usage
Main Point 2 (Biological damage and the outcome)
Sub point (A) Internal bodily damage
1. Blood supply is decreased and thinned
2. Brain, Liver, Pancreas, lungs, Kidneys, heart, muscles and other vital tissues and organs are effected.
3. Tolerance levels gradually increases which could lead to alcoholism.
Sub point (B) Common side effects of alcohol
1. Brain activity scattered
2. Self-control
3. Depression
4. Speech is slurred
5. Moods swings
5. Hasty thoughts
6. Reaction time slow
7. Hearing is dulled
8. Visions weak and blurred
9. Memories foggy
Main Point 3 What to do as a parent or educator
1. Be more involved in the awareness of alcoholism and drug abuse
2. Make pamphlets available from AA Alcoholics Anonymous and other organizations like AA placed on school campuses
3. Properly train and counsel staff to inform and be readily available on campuses
4. Reveal images of real life happenings on how alcohol has changed or destroyed a life
5. In school forums as a daily curriculum to keep kids aware
6. Model responsible behavior
7. Set standards and clearly communicate policies on no drug use
8. Give youth opportunities to be leaders, to serve the community and to become responsible for their actions
9. Sponsor drug-free rallies, parties and community activities in schools and homes
Conclusion:
The awareness factor must start with an adult figure. Children need a solid and stable working environment to prosper and grow. If educators and parents reinforce the negative preventable effects of alcohol and drug abuse, this will keep kids informed and aware of how drugs, alcohol and addiction can be prevented.
This looks like an excellent outline. It is organized and you have extensive details. Is this something that you are going to turn in for a grade? If so, make sure that all of your citations are properly in order, and each fact is supported by its source.
Also, make sure that only proper nouns and first words of sentences are the only words capitalized. For instance, "2. Brain, Liver, Pancreas, lungs, Kidneys, heart, muscles and other vital tissues and organs are effected." These items should not be capitalized.
If these notes are just for your own personal use, then it's not so important. :)
Again, nice job.
Thank you for all your help I received an A on this paper your services are awesome!
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