Engaging in work and traveling for a year, are suggested for teens who want return to study

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Walking and traveling for a year are suggested by some countries for teenagers who want to continue their study in the university after graduated at high school. For each young adult it has positive and negative effects for their life. In this essay, will be explained both of them. Personally, I believe that it is effective for teenagers to know more about their passions.

After study at in some years at high school some teenagers feel tired to continue the study or they do not know what the passion of them. So, government of countries make a rule that young adults must have some activities before continue their study. There are several advantages if the rule is realization. For the first is with working for a year teenagers know about education that is essential factor if they want have a good position and well-paid job from working. They will know their passion if they have experience of working and in the future they can choose a major in the university appropriate with their passion. Secondly, if they travel to some place, they can fresh their mind after studying long time in high school. Besides, they can learn more about the place, for example, if they holiday at pretty village and they see that many local young adults cannot continue their study because financial factor. The result is they can conscious that they are luck person who can continue their study.

In the other hand, there are several disadvantages if teenagers must be working and traveling before continue their study. Firstly, if they are working in long time, they can feel confident with their job and indolent to continue their study because they feel that they can buy anything their own money. Secondly, if they are refreshing with long time, it is hard again to continue their study because they forget about materials of their major.

All in all, actually rules of working and traveling for teenagers have benefits and detriments for each young adult. It depends from point of view teenagers. In my opinion, these rules are effective to give motivation and build enthusiasm teenagers to continue their study.

Walking and travelingtravelling for a year are suggested ...

After study at[double preposition] in some years at (...) continue the study, or they do (...) passion of them [or=> conjunction=> sentence, or+ sentence] . Soconsequently , government of countries ...

... advantages if the rule is realizationrealisation . fortT he first is with working ...
... if they have experience offrom working, and in the future ...
..., they can GET[can=modal==>modl +v1] fresh their mind ...
..., for example, if they holiday at pretty village, and they see ...
The result is they can conscious[2 sentence=2s+2v=> conjunction is needed] that they are luck ...

... several disadvantages ifwhen teenagers must be working and travelingtravelling before continue their study.

... rules of working and travelingtravelling for teenagers have ...
It depends on[collocation]from point of view teenagers.

- it has positive and negative effects foron their life
- if they want to have a good position ...
- because of financial factor
- they are lucklucky person who can ...
- depend fromon
I suggest that it will be better if you put the idea improved after the other idea to have more attentions.

Hi, tika. here are my suggestions for you

Walking and travelingtravelling for a year are suggested by ...
countries did not suggest teenagers to walking and travelling. i misunderstood the meaning of your sentence. maybe you mean like this:
Walking and travelling for a year are suggested for teenagers who want to continue their study in the university after graduated at high school.

For each young adult,(need comma) it has positive and negative effects foron their life.

... essential factor if they want to have a good position ...

if they spend aholiday at a pretty village and (...) young adults, they cannot continue their study because of thefinancial factor.
formula of if conditional if + s + v , s + v
because + s + v
because of + noun/noun phrase

... conscious that they are lucklucky person who can ...