I wrote this essay in 45 minutes (which is the time limit for this CLEP) using a practice prompt from College Board. I ran out of time to come back and write an intro paragraph, so it only consists of my thesis statement. Also, I didn't have time to write a third body paragraph.
I would like to know:
>Using the SAT scoring scale, what grade would you give this essay?
>Is it in depth enough with only four paragraphs?
>What one change would make the most difference in raising the quality of the essay?
Thanks very much!
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.
Thanks to the Internet, the word "friendship" has a much broader meaning now. No longer are the bonds of friendship limited to telephone conversations, shared activites, or speaking face-to-face. In this day and age, very close friendships can be formed without the people ever meeting and by simply typing words on a screen.
Adapted from Sharon Hendricks, "A Broader Definition of Friendship"
Assignment: Is it easier now than ever before to form friendships? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your reasoning with examples taken from your reading, studies, experiences or observations.
Friendships today are easier than ever to form, but not because of an actual increase in real, close relationships, but because of a change in the very definition of friendship.
With the advent and accessability of the internet, practically any information is at your fingertips with the click of a button. This information has come to include the details and day-to-day events of peoples' lives. The internet phemonemon Facebook now has over 300 million users, and it is not uncommon for a single person to have 1,000 "friends". This communication highway has indeed allowed old friends to reconnect and new friends to meet, but it is a unsatisfying, shallow connection. Personally, before I had a facebook account I had several childhood friends that I kept in contact with by writing e-mails a few times a year and sending Christmas and birthday gifts. I would actually sit down and write words meant only for that person: intimate details of how I was doing and what was going on in my life, and they would return a letter likewise. Post-Facebook, however, I realized I no longer do that. Now that I can see their pictures, and comments and posts file through the news feed I do not feel the need to write them personally. The effect, regretably, is that I have fallen out of contact with them. The problem is that now it is possible for me to "know" what was going on in their lives without ever relating to them. I am simply relating to a computer screen. This easy access to all the details of peoples' lives has led to taking people and friendships for granted.
From personal experience in diverse cultures as well as conversing with natives of other countries, it is apparent that American culture views friendships as expendable. This is diametrically opposed to the cultural friendships norms in countries such a France. In America, you meet someone, enjoy their personality and immediately feel comfortable teasing or joking with them, and if you really like them you might coin a nick-name for them.You are best friends for a while, then life moves on and you move on to new places and people. Conversely, in France it is an insult to act too familiar. It is a priviledge and honor for someone to allow you to call them by their first name in stead of their sur name. Forming friendships is a gradual process that doesn't happen overnight, but once a frienship is formed that loyalty remains for a lifetime. This expression of formality may seem archaic to those if us in the US, but it goes far deeper than formality: it is a respect for the sacredness of friendship.
The combination of easy access to peoples lives and an increasing attitude of condescension towards true, solid relationships has led to a society that is paradoxically isolated. The person with 1,000 facebook "friends" has no one to spend the weekends with; the person with tons of "friends" that hang around doesn't have anyone to talk to when their heart is breaking. It is like the highways of the ancient romans: their state-of-the-art roads were designed for quick and easy communication between commanders during times of war, but it backfired and instead allowed the Romans' enemies to quickly and easily reach all regions of the country. Similary, the state-of-the-art communication methods we have formed have conversely created a virtual world void of real relationships. We know about everyone, but are know by no one.
I would like to know:
>Using the SAT scoring scale, what grade would you give this essay?
>Is it in depth enough with only four paragraphs?
>What one change would make the most difference in raising the quality of the essay?
Thanks very much!
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.
Thanks to the Internet, the word "friendship" has a much broader meaning now. No longer are the bonds of friendship limited to telephone conversations, shared activites, or speaking face-to-face. In this day and age, very close friendships can be formed without the people ever meeting and by simply typing words on a screen.
Adapted from Sharon Hendricks, "A Broader Definition of Friendship"
Assignment: Is it easier now than ever before to form friendships? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your reasoning with examples taken from your reading, studies, experiences or observations.
Friendships today are easier than ever to form, but not because of an actual increase in real, close relationships, but because of a change in the very definition of friendship.
With the advent and accessability of the internet, practically any information is at your fingertips with the click of a button. This information has come to include the details and day-to-day events of peoples' lives. The internet phemonemon Facebook now has over 300 million users, and it is not uncommon for a single person to have 1,000 "friends". This communication highway has indeed allowed old friends to reconnect and new friends to meet, but it is a unsatisfying, shallow connection. Personally, before I had a facebook account I had several childhood friends that I kept in contact with by writing e-mails a few times a year and sending Christmas and birthday gifts. I would actually sit down and write words meant only for that person: intimate details of how I was doing and what was going on in my life, and they would return a letter likewise. Post-Facebook, however, I realized I no longer do that. Now that I can see their pictures, and comments and posts file through the news feed I do not feel the need to write them personally. The effect, regretably, is that I have fallen out of contact with them. The problem is that now it is possible for me to "know" what was going on in their lives without ever relating to them. I am simply relating to a computer screen. This easy access to all the details of peoples' lives has led to taking people and friendships for granted.
From personal experience in diverse cultures as well as conversing with natives of other countries, it is apparent that American culture views friendships as expendable. This is diametrically opposed to the cultural friendships norms in countries such a France. In America, you meet someone, enjoy their personality and immediately feel comfortable teasing or joking with them, and if you really like them you might coin a nick-name for them.You are best friends for a while, then life moves on and you move on to new places and people. Conversely, in France it is an insult to act too familiar. It is a priviledge and honor for someone to allow you to call them by their first name in stead of their sur name. Forming friendships is a gradual process that doesn't happen overnight, but once a frienship is formed that loyalty remains for a lifetime. This expression of formality may seem archaic to those if us in the US, but it goes far deeper than formality: it is a respect for the sacredness of friendship.
The combination of easy access to peoples lives and an increasing attitude of condescension towards true, solid relationships has led to a society that is paradoxically isolated. The person with 1,000 facebook "friends" has no one to spend the weekends with; the person with tons of "friends" that hang around doesn't have anyone to talk to when their heart is breaking. It is like the highways of the ancient romans: their state-of-the-art roads were designed for quick and easy communication between commanders during times of war, but it backfired and instead allowed the Romans' enemies to quickly and easily reach all regions of the country. Similary, the state-of-the-art communication methods we have formed have conversely created a virtual world void of real relationships. We know about everyone, but are know by no one.