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English teacher at an NGO - Help to Proofread two pharagraphs of my essay



Elip29 1 / -  
Mar 31, 2016   #1
As a result of this situation, the educational models of different institutions are not updated to tackles the needs of values and culture of students and teachers but rather focus on responding to standards of professional productiveness. Consequently, the education becomes dysfunctional and the curriculums inaccurate, because they do not fit with the societal reality. Here, I want to propose that the roots of this problematic begin in an inconsistent analysis of public policies and I'll try to support this hypothesis under the results of my undergraduate thesis and my experience as a teacher.

While being an English teacher at an NGO called ASE in 2013, I worked with low-income children with a difficult familiar background. I identified there, the first incoherence that builds the dysfunctional nature of our education. This foundation was aimed to "solve some educational needs of vulnerable communities", but contrary to the expectations, its curriculum was fully concentrated on the technical knowledge development, rather than the developing of students' emotionality and social skills. It is worth mentioning that, from the accreditation framework, the curriculum of this institution was nationally approved as a highly qualified curriculum. It actually met the standards of quality proposed in the resolution 115, but, in reality, It was not generating any remarkable impact in the young community. From that experience, I started to wonder what sort of quality can an institution has since its function is not generating a real social impact?

Kimbong93 7 / 11  
Mar 31, 2016   #2
Dear writer, I am really happy to read your essay. It is completely clear. But let me to give you a suggetion.

In the end of first paragraph, better if you do not abbreviate your word. You use "I'll try to ". it is better to use "I will try to"

and I will try to support this hypothesis under the results of my undergraduate ...

Thank you.
Regards,

Kimbong93


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