As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities
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Do you agree or disagree?
It's argued that besides generating profit, enterprises should also conduct their business in a socially responsible manner. Personally, I completely agree with this view.
In the first place, there is no denying that companies must make money in order to survive in a highly competitive market. If a company is in good financial health, it will make a positive contribution to society. Firstly, the higher the earnings earned by businesses, the more taxes they pay to the government. Therefore, they have more money to public spending such as investment in schools, hospitals, traffic infrastructure, which leads to an increase in the living standard of the whole community. Secondly, if the companies raise substantial revenues, they can reinvest, expand their production, and create more job opportunities within the community.
In addition to the first argument, it can hardly be denied that businesses should do more for society instead of the sole aim of maximizing revenue. One reason is that if the production processes from the enterprises are out of control, it may have negative impacts on the environment such as air pollution due to factory emissions or water pollution as a result of the irresponsible disposal of industrial waste. Another reason is that companies should use a percentage of their income to support those who are unfortunate in society by awarding scholarships, donating money to local charities, and environmental programs.
In conclusion, it is my firm belief that all businesses should profoundly reflect upon their social obligations rather than simply making a profit.
Just a few suggestions:
Don't use 's in a formal essay => It is argued
Probably you miss a tobe in "the higher the earnings earned by businesses"
"it may have negative impacts on ..." it -> they
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15385 You presented an extremely short prompt paraphrase and an improper response. Try to expand on the original presentation by at least 2 sentences, then offer an appropriate format within the remaining 3 sentences for a total of a 5 sentence presentation. That is the most maximum way to earn the highest possible TA score. Your response is incorrect as this only an agree or disagree essay, it is not an "extent" essay so the "completely" response it out of place. It should be a mere agreement with the point of view, with the 2 reasoning topics presented.
The discussion paragraphs are not properly developed either. You presented 2 under explained reasons in the first reasoning paragraph. You failed to properly explain each reason using a relevant example and additional clarification sentences. Rather than presenting so many topic sentences in both paragraphs, you should have just taken one discussion topic per paragraph from the first presentation, and expanded those into individual paragraph explanations. That would have shown a connection between your topics and also, offered you more sentence development opportunities to prove your C&C, LR, and GRA skills to the reviewer.
Overall, the essay works, but could have been better using a more appropriate format. Although the response is partially incorrect, it still delivers an appropriate response to the given question so it will be acceptable to a certain extent to the examiner. Work on expanding your prompt restatement and concluding paraphrase so that is follows the complete 3-5 sentence restatement format. The first and last paraphrase are considered for the TA scoring section.
1. As you know, your presentation are based on one famous teacher in Vietnam. However, it would help if you concentrated on his structure for each point of view. Don't put too many arguments in one paragraph, you need to have some idea to support and give an example to developing this argument.
2. a mistake I found from your essay:
- more money to for public spendings
3. Your conclusion is not reasonable. It would be best if you got further paraphrase your topic overview before giving your opinion.
4. Your transaction words are not suitable for comparison between the two major arguments. For the first paragraph, you agree with the company about the priority of profit. However, in the second paragraph, you use 'in addition to the first argument', it seems to be not suitable, it sounds like you add more the information supportive idea for the first argument not opposite for this argument.
Sorry, my connection to the Internet is not good!