In this era, the media have held the prominent thing in almost all aspects

Topic
It is becoming more and more difficult to escape the influence of the media on our lives. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of living in a media-rich society.

The media is a key of world information. Indirectly, people communicate each other who they share info by using a sophisticated equipment like a smartphone, television even the internet. Willy nilly, they certainly are influenced. The author strongly believes that although citizens are easier for getting news, yet there are several demerits which affected by.

At the beginning, the media have a huge effect in human society life. It can encourage people to carry out activities. For example, the media inform to them about the impact of the global warming issue. This can make residents who have knowledge and intended will invite others to plant the plants. As a half of people understand that tree can decrease the effect of global warming.

However, media for some people can be used in wrong aim. They try to gain mass with fake information. For instance, a dictator in a country is able to persuade his inhabitants with announce in the media. Certainly, all of society will know the news what he tells. Another sample, people get hesitate data because there are many sources in order that make confused the receiver of fact. With this, from the press, several people obtain chance from the media.

To sum up, in this era, the media have held the prominent thing in almost all aspects. It depends on how people use that which it can be negative or positive in socialize. The great person, he has to be wise in managing media.

Helli Iran,
My suggestions to u is try to paraphrase the statement into introduction and make it clear what u will discuss in next paras.
Another thing is ur ideas was good but explanation is not so.

Irfan, the topic of the prompt is asking you, as the writer to explain the advantage and disadvantage of living in a media-rich society. Therefore, when you give your opinion at the end of your introduction, do not refer to "the author" of the essay because that is you. Instead, you should make it clear that you will be discussing your ideas, beliefs, and arguments regarding the advantages and disadvantages of living in a media rich society. That said, I have to say that your introduction, the restatement of the prompt, and the sequence of discussion the succeeding paragraphs are unclear. So you need to go back and revise that part in order to make it clearer to the reader.

In order to better identify your second paragraph as the advantage part of the discussion, you should specifically mention the word "advantage" at the start of the paragraph. You could say "One of the advantages of living in a media rich society is that..." That way you signal the topic of the sentence and set the pace for the discussion in that paragraph. You kind of were successful at indicating something similar in your third paragraph by saying "wrong aim". While the term used is not grammatically correct, the essence or meaning of what you are trying to say is clear to the reader.

With regards to the examples that you used to illustrate your point, I have to say, these are weak examples and your line of reasoning in support of the examples are just as weak. You need to use more common examples for the positive and negative in order to show that you have a clear understanding of the prompt. For the positive, I would have discussed how social media has prevented governments controlling all news media outlets. The internet, thanks to blogging, twitter, instagram, facebook, etc. Have given rise to citizen journalism, which cannot be controlled by any single powerful entity. For a negative, explain how the same social media causes negativity because of the online bullying instances and stuff like that.

Your conclusion though, after reading it over a few times, shows that you tried to wrap up the essay in a proper manner, with a summary and restatement of your belief regarding the issue. That was one of the good points of your essay. It is an improvement :-)

For both of your advantages and disadvantages , you should provide more points and supporting evidence to support your stand on the topic.

For example , media provides instant availability of information (research pedia , n.d).
You should also try to elaborate on the advantages of media.

The one in bold is taken from chrisyhsun of enotes.