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Evaluate the pros and cons about factory built near the community. [TOEFL]

kevin86120 1 / -  
Mar 11, 2018   #1
A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position.

Effects by build factory near to community.

Building a factory nearby the community usually has many benefits like offer opportunities for job or attract population to the community. And that can also creates wealth to this community. But it not only can make money but also pollution. Some of pollution will cause damage to environment even our health. So in my opinion, I don't accept that should build a factory near the community.

A big factory allow many opportunities. These employees can live in the community then don't need to take many time in traffic. And population which attract by factory will promote more consumption to this community. Therefore the community will become more prosperity.

However,industrial population which made by factory will make many problem. For example, the smell of air pollution may not just feel disgust but make people hard to breath. Water pollution will contaminate environment. Noisy would bother people who live close to it. And it is hard to know that which problem wouldn't happen before the factory builds.

In conclusion, I think the living quality is more important than those benefits. More serious, it may hurt our health. We don't need to take the risk and make money.It doesn't worth it.So I think the factory is not good for building near the community.
Samuelsam123 12 / 46 20  
Mar 14, 2018   #2

First of all , strong effort in this essay, but however do allow me to purpose some recommendations/ corrections.

First of all, lets start of with the grammar part of the essay.

"Creates wealth for community."

" But it doesn't only makes money but also causes pollution.

" I don't accept that a factory should be built near the community

"take much time in traffic."

Overall, the mentioned above is just some of the many grammar mistakes of this essay. I strongly recommend that you read up on grammar books to further improve your knowledge.

Further correction is needed on the comparative words in the essay.
Eg : Will become more prosperous
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,693 3497  
Mar 14, 2018   #3
@kevin86120 You must avoid starting your sentences with the connecting words "And, but, or because". As these are connecting words, these are normally used in the middle of a sentence for the purpose of connecting 2 related thoughts. These are the "cohesive" words that bind what would otherwise be 2 separate sentences of a connected thought into one presentation sentence. That is why these words cannot be used as opening sentence words. Your paragraph discussions need work. There is a lack of clarity in your presentation which affected its coherence. This was caused by your lack of English sentence structure development skill. Which, I believe, was caused by your lack of English vocabulary. I strongly suggest that you brush up on your English reading so that you will become more familiar with the way English sentences are structured and how certain words are used in their sentence presentation. While you did provide a somewhat understandable presentation in this essay, you are still a long way from being prepared to take the TOEFL test. Here's another tip, read the sample TOEFL essays here so that you can gain insights from the mistakes of others as advice has already been given to those users so you can avoid making the mistakes that they did.

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