Vns, you did a very good job on this essay. So let me just help you with the grammar problems. Since the essay prompt clearly states that you don't need to state your opinion, it will be very easy to revise or edit this essay whenever necessary :-)
First of all, you cannot evade working with partners since creating a new business must have some people are working inside it. Consequently, It is inevitable to escape from bureaucracy. For instance, you work with comrades and you and your fellows will have different ideas. Thus, it will cause lots of conflict and misunderstanding. This directly refutes the reading passage which states that you will get rid of bureaucracy immediately after setting up your own business.- It is important to recognize that working with partners when establishing a business is quite necessary. That is why one cannot escape the bureaucracy in a work environment. It does not matter if you have different ides or conflicts, you need to learn to work together. Therefore, the argument that says one can avoid bureaucracy immediately after setting up a business is flawed.
- You should present evidence of the inconvenience of working for yourself. Something along the lines of having to multitask in various positions or the uncertainty of income should work.- ... To illustrate, as a the only employee of the company, you cannot afford to take a sick day, or a day off in the middle of the work week because nobody will be there to pick up the slack or be responsible at the office. Since employees cannot help but get sick or feel like taking a day off, the statistics showing that 75% of new companies fail within six months of its establishment may have merits.
Secondly, wW orking on your own can be really inconvenient. By way of illustration, the lecturer observes that if you catch a cold or being lazy then you can not rely on anyone. Therefore, statistics show us 75% of all new companies are failed to sustain in the first 6 months
Thirdly, you will not get any benefits from health care or pension or insurance from the government for the reason that you work by oneself. It is still better to have a little bit than nothing in some ways. Again, this can be really inconvenient and contradicts the reading passage that stated working on your own is more beneficial.- Working for yourself also has drawbacks in terms of employee benefits. Insurance becomes more expensive because you have to pay the total coverage expense out of your own income and social security coverage fees are also limited by your personal earnings. So it is still better to be employed in more ways than one. Specially when your social security and insurance costs are covered by employee- employer payment shares. It would seem that the reading passage stating that working for yourself is a good thing has not considered all of the important factors that makes is beneficial to be regularly employed by someone else.
All in all, working by yourself is not better than working as an employer because you will have to do everything by your own hand without expecting to rely on somebody. Moreover, you will obtain completely nothing from the government such as pensions and insurance and so on.
- All things considered, all factors point to the fact that working for yourself is not better than working for an employer. You have to do everything by yourself and cannot expect a helping hand when you need one. Your employee benefits are almost non-existent because you have to pay out of pocket for your coverage, raising the costs immensely. None of these problems exist for people who are employed by others.
Feel free to run with my version if you think you can work with it or use it :-)