Unanswered [1]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 5


Experience plays an important role in our lives and teach us valuable lessons which help us succeed



saakshi 2 / 3  
Aug 11, 2014   #1
Experiences help us improve and progress in our lives. We learn a lot from things we experience during our lifetime. They teach us different aspects of life which makes us more mature and smart in dealing with problems, hardships and in decision making.

Personally, I agree with the statement that most experiences in our lives that seemed difficult at the time become valuable lessons and provides two examples to illustrate this.

First of all, I recall during my third year of graduation from dental school in new delhi. We were introduced to clinical work and were allowed to work on patients. I was very weak in practical work of a subject called prosthodontics which deals with fabrication of dentures. The procedure compromised many steps, starting from making a model of patients oral cavity to fabrication of denture and took around 15 days for completion. The last step of the procedure is completely laboratory work and was the toughest step. in which the denture which was initially made up of wax was heat cured to make the final denture. After Which it was delivered to the patient. During my 1 month posting in the prosthodontic department, It took me 25days reach the last step. Since it was the most crucial step I decided to get it done by the laboratory assistant who was considered expert in the process. He used to charge 500 bucks for one denture. But still in order to get my work done, I paid him and he handed me over the final denture the other day. It looked well finished and beautifully fabricated. But when I delivered it to the patient, it does not fit in his mouth. I tried all possible ways to get it adjusted in patient's mouth but failed. The wax up measurements got altered during the final step by the assistant laboratory assistant which resulted in failure of the denture. Because of which I had to repeat the whole process again, which took me another 1 month to deliver the denture to the patient. Since my posting got over in 1 month I had to work during my lunch and free time. i Also got scolded from my teachers because of delay in the work and on cheating them by getting my work done by someone else. That was my worst experience, and I learned a lesson that one should always do their work by themselves and should never rely on any other person for it. With time and practice You yourself will become expert of your work.

Another example experience that had made me learn valuable lesson is from last year when I was doing a patient in a clinic. After my graduation, I had joined my uncle's clinic in new delhi who was also a dentist and was practicing from many years. During my graduation we were taught to extract decayed teeth in our oral surgery department. I had done many extractions of teeth including the complicated cases in my college. And I was very confident in doing it. last year a patient with badly decayed tooth arrived in my uncle's clinic for extraction. My uncle was unwilling for me to do the extraction as the roots of the tooth was near the maxillary sinus which had made it a tough and complicated case. But on my pressure and request he allowed me to do the extraction. in my overconfidence in doing extractions, i ruined the case by breaking off the roots of the tooth which got slipped into the maxillary sinus. My uncle got furious and he had to operate the patient in emergency, which turned out to be time consuming and tiresome for both my uncle and for the patient. also Because of which other patients in the clinic had to left unattended. That experience taught me that one should never be overconfident in his work, no matter how good he is. And should always respect and follow elders decision because they are more experienced.

by way of conclusion based on reasons explored above, in my opinion experiences play an important role in our lives and teach us valuable lessons which help us succeed.

EF_Sheri - / 27  
Aug 13, 2014   #2
I have included a few corrections and examples below. Attached is a screenshot of edits to the paragraph that begins with "First of all". It sounds like you learned a valuable lesson and certainly one that others could learn from as well. : )

Experiences help us improve and progress in our lives. We learn a lot from things we experience during our lifetime. They teach us different aspects of life whichthat makes us more mature and smarter in dealing with problems, hardships, and in decision making.

Personally, I agree with the statement that most experiences in our lives that seemed difficult at the time become valuable lessons.andI provides two examples to illustrate this.

First of all, I recall during my third year of graduation from dental school in New Delhi. We were introduced to clinical work and were allowed to work on patients. I was very weak in practical work of a subject called prosthodontics, which deals with fabrication of dentures. The procedure compromisedcomprised many steps, starting fromwith making a model of patients oral cavity to fabrication of denture and took around 15 days for completion.

ee the attached screenshot for edits to the full paragraph. Also, be sure to spell out the numbers 1-9. Numbers from 10 and up can be written in numerical form.font :)


  • Experience.JPG
OP saakshi 2 / 3  
Aug 21, 2014   #3
hey thank you so much. your corrections were of great help ;)
dumi 1 / 6793  
Aug 21, 2014   #4
It is always good for us to know what the purpose of your writing. (mention that in your post) Generally, we see many essays written on this topic and all of them are for preparing IELTS or TOEFL. If you also wrote this essay for the same purpose, then I stress that you need to work a lot on your essay approach. The issues I find are that your introduction does not introduce the topic to the reader adequately. Instead you express your opinion as you open your essay. Then your body paragraphs are pretty bulky. I have no idea what your purpose had been, however, if this for IELTS or TOEFL, then you may run into lots of problems in terms of managing time for completing the task.
jwajwa 1 / 6  
Aug 21, 2014   #5
Get rid of the entire first paragraph " personally, I agree..." You don't have to tell the readers this, show it. And don't start with "first of all". Not needed. Just jump into it!

Instead of "another example", you can say "when I was in...I was introduced to this concept yet again".


Home / Writing Feedback / Experience plays an important role in our lives and teach us valuable lessons which help us succeed
ⓘ Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:

Best Writing Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳