IELTS TASK 2 : Extinction is a natural process for animal species such as dinosaurs

It is a natural process for animal species such as dinosaurs and dodos to become extinct. There is no reason why people should try to prevent this from happening.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

My answer:
Many people hold a belief that animal species like dinosaurs and dodos go extinct as a natural occurrence. After thorough consideration, I completely disagree with this statement. A number of reasons which account for my point are stated below.

For once, one essential factor why I advocate this argument is that not only environmental factors but also mankind should also be held accountable for putting animals on the verge of extinction. To be specific, mass deforestation to build infrastructure or timber harvesting has caused wild animals to lose their homes. Hunting also contributes to the disappearance of many species such as elephants or rhinos are hunted for their body parts to cater to medical purposes; however; their horns are as valuable as human fingers. Take Amazon's recent wildfire as an example, it has pushed around 100 species close to extinction or the African Black Rhinos are no longer in existence for being hunted their horns.

Moreover, animals play a significant role in maintaining the balance of the ecosystem. Once succumbs to extinction, other animals that depend on it will be affected and eventually disappear. This will be a lack of diversity and can also cause potential damage to our economy. To give some concrete examples, in 2013, the sunflower starfish in Northern California declined in number due to disease, thus causing its prey - the purple sea urchins to flourish. This sudden proliferation has damaged the red urchins' population and also exhausted a great source of sushi, which resulted in a slump in the area's economy.

All in all, it seems to me that environment is not the main culprit of animal extinction and human are partly responsible for this phenomenon. This will have grave consequences on both our ecosystem and our economy, thus it is urgent that we take action to protect all animal species.

Check my essay and give a specific score, please!! Many thanks!!

While your discussion is sound and well supported by verifiable examples, there is a serios problem with your English grammar throughout the essay. You are trying to use words that emphasize your opinion. While your intention is good, the wrong words have been chosen to accomplish that reference. Thus your LR score will not be one that would help you get a passing mark in the essay. English word references are based upon progression. Each word, when used a emphasis is spelled differently. If you wish to continue writing using emphasis words, then you should learn the progession of the emotional emphasis to achieve full LR consideration.

Your closing summary is also incorrect as it changed the original parameters of the discussion. You began to highlight solutions and causes of the problem in a manner that created a topic deviation. Your essay will get an automatic failing score for not presenting an appropriate closing summary. This is an open ended, rather than academically concluded essay presentation.