High-Paid Athletes
Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
my answers:
It is true that an athlete can become wealthier through the fame him or her made than professionals in other fields. Although a proportion of people regard it as unjustified, I personally believe that this situation is totally reasonable.
There are two reasons why people see it as an unfair trend. Firstly, athletes do not have to acquire completed subjects such as Math and Science. All they have to do is keep playing basketball or swimming all day long, which can be played or done by anyone. The threshold of entering these fields is low. Secondly, they do not have to deal with a challenging environment. For example, shareholders took large amount of risks to invest in companies and may face difficult situations sometimes which they are not able to avoid or control. Nonetheless, sportlers only need to keep their performance stable, and apart from being influenced by themselves, no other elements can intervene them.
Admittedly, form these perspectives, chances of athletes being rich are larger than other professionals and risks are lower as well. Nevertheless, the athletes who have become famous must have to be talented or even have been spending plenty of time and money on training. Besides, they also need to manage their diets well and sacrifice lots of fun in their lives, maybe also includes the opportunity to spend time with their beloved ones, the chances of being seen by the world is not as large as other people think. They have to attend dozens of competitions and win the gold medals first.
To sum up, although some people think what athletes do is not complicated and do not deserve high salaries, whereas I would argue that all the elements considered, it is only fair that they earn well.
Thank you very much!
You should move the first sentence of your second paragraph into the first paragraph. It looks more structured if you proceed to listing directly instead of needing to introduce this portion into your body.
I recommend that you tone down making bold proclamations in your essay. While the intent behind why you are doing this may be positive, you should keep in mind that making assertions should always be followed by back-up details that can substantiate your words. If you cannot, always try to evade words that can appear to be aggressive.
For instance, let's take a look at your second paragraph's third sentence. Instead of mentioning that anyone can play sports, you can perhaps say:
While these sports require intensive training, these skills can also be learned by other people.
This is a more mellow approach to your essay's content.
When making your point, keep in mind that the sports field is also an all-or-nothing career. This means that a single injury can break their entire career, causing them to be unemployed for a longer period of time. If you take this into account, there are risks present in the field - however, it could just be that these risks are potentially easier to mitigate than others. Discuss your thoughts in a more in-depth and balanced way.
Use less complex structures; and also use more formal language. Doing both in tandem can help develop a more academic tone in your essay.
For instance, I could implement that technique in the third paragraph's third sentence through revising it as:
Athletes have to manage their diet and make a lot of personal sacrifices. This includes, for example, not being able to spend time with their loved ones. While the fame included in sports appears to be superficially glorious, it is not necessarily risk-free.
I would also suggest that follow through your summation and conclusion with the same formatting.
Best of luck.
I think it would have been better if you had explained clearly for the topic sentence. Your second point in the first supporting paragraph, you just pointed out the reason All they have to do is keep playing basketball but not explained so it was not persuasive.
You made some grammar mistake. For example, All they have to do is keeping playing basketball
or ... and does not deserve high salaries
