Family, television and friends are important factors in child's development. Task 2 ielts

Hi! I am practising on ielts and i got this prompt
The prompt says : Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child's development .However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most significant influence .Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

child's development

Child's development which belongs to many factors is really complicated. While some people are of the opinion that parents have the most essential role in child's development, others believe friends or other environmental factors such as TV have the most important effect.

It is certainly true that parents have the important role. They can interact with their children by so many methods. By using daily word or action, they are making a influence on their children's traits and personality. For example, while their children are growing up, they read for their children the stories to the behavioral habits right before bed time, they use the appropriate words or the gentle ways they act every day, encouraging them imitating exactly .Therefore, it naturally comes in their life, becomes behavior and socializing process .It is really hard or impossible to be changed even when they in the bad environment because it was acquired when they were a child. People will appreciate them in society. Their children will be responsible and know how to deal with the inevitable stuffs in their life. They will become good citizen and devote their contribution for the country.

Nowadays, some other children spend much more their time in school than with their family so it is widely believed that friends have the
significant role in child's development. They'll know and learn about society's things such as friendship and relationship. Good relationship was built with their friends, giving raise to confidence and comfort. Without their parents, they will find out the way to win the competition confidently. Because they know their friends always stay behind and support them. So many private stuffs which children never want to confide with their parents so they share comfortably with their friend. Maybe they scare their parents do not sympathy or support them. Building a good relationship with their friend, they will become sociable. And then, they can get used to with any environments.

It can be argued that in some cases, television has an important role in child's development. Making an increase to different things is evident way. Children are always curious about everything around them. The more riveting things they see , the more curious they are . So television can show them a lot of interesting things such as different culture , food , toys and so many things . Not only do television entertain, but also it provides knowledge to children.

Family ,television and friends are important factors in child's development. In my opinion, it has been suggested that family is a strongest impact to children because every child at least spends 4 to 5 years with their family before getting in touch with outside environment . Their awareness becomes life in this period, deciding the ways they are going to grow up ,the ways they act too.

To, your introductory paragraph lacks a reference to your personal opinion as a part of the forthcoming discussion in the essay. Therefore, your task accuracy is incomplete as the opening statement carries a significant weight of the scoring system. When you miss something in the paraphrasing of the prompt requirement, you automatically lose points as that shows a clear lack of understanding of the prompt instructions.

The lack of reference to the personal opinion made the essay discuss the prompt improperly, That is because you are expected to show a completely developed paragraph that discusses Point A, then another paragraph for Point B, then finally, a paragraph dedicated to your personal opinion. As it is, the essay does not clearly define whose opinion is being presented due to lack of clarity in your summary statement.

You need to clearly state, within the first sentence of the new paragraph, if you are discussing the point of view about parents, school and friends, or your personal opinion. That recognition will show that you know how to coherently and cohesively discuss the topics presented. As there are missing elements in this essay, I believe that you overall score cannot be higher than a 4 overall.

@Holt
If my task did not lack of my own opinion a part of the forthcoming discussion in the essay .How about my grammar and vocabuary? And how much score i get?

I am not sure what you mean by your first sentence. There is a lacking subject in it. Care to give it another try? I am more than happy to explain anything to you, provided I can understand what your question is. Right now, I am not sure what the purpose of the first sentence is so I would really appreciate a clarification on your part. Did you accidentally use a period when you meant to use a comma to present your thoughts? If you did, then you have to be more careful next time and make sure that you do not accidentally present incomplete sentences. Most specially in your practice tests. That will definitely be a major problem for your score if you happen to do that in the actual test.

Now, if you really want a run down of your scores, per scoring criteria, it would most likely be as follows:

Task accuracy - 4 - this is due to the fact that you did not cover all of the necessary points as indicated in the prompt. This includes the lack of individually discussed pro, con, and opinion issues in the essay.

Coherence & Cohesiveness - 4 - you could have done a better job in explaining the issues on hand if you had followed the format suggested by the prompt instructions for your paragraph discussion presentations.

Lexical Resource - 4 - you are using simple and basic English words which does not show a more advanced grasp of the language. This also proves a limited ability to use English in word formations since you opted to discuss the topic in simple English terms.

Grammar Range and Accuracy - 4 - While the sentence development is acceptable, there are some problems in the way that you developed the presentation of the sentence. This led to a limited range of sentence structures on your part which resulted in the low score.

Don't lose heart. Just keep on applying the corrections you receive in your essays in your future practice tests. I am sure you will only improve from this point on. It is the only thing that can happen for as long as you keep the faith.