The main factors influencing a child's development these day is social factors or

factors influencing a child's development

Opinions differ as to whether parents obviously play an important role in their child's development or social factors outside of the family are influencing the way that their child develops. Personally, i am in agreement with the latter view, eventhough the other one also shows positive aspects.

There is no doubt that there are factors outside of the family that significantly impact to their children's development. For instance, there is television and the Internet. Children nowadays need to get more access to these than in the past, they will learn more languages and will be more influency with the language they learn and see things that will teach them about life. Friends also impact seriously on them, they will have more fun and be more friendly when thay have best friend, these bring to them many positive aspects but also negative action such as: smoking, taking drugs, drinking beers, etc...

However, the family which has the most important impact to children. They spen most time of their life on their family, parents who bring them up and carefully take care of their child, they teach their child about social skills, life, etc....When children was a baby, who was teaching them how to walk the first step, how to say the first word and looked after them when thay was ill, it is absolutely the one who gave birth to children

In conclusion, While some people believe that the main factors influencing a child's development nowadays are social factors outside of the family, it seems to me that parents who has the most important impact to the way that their child develops

Always use 2 sentences to present the separate public opinions. Try to mirror the original presentation at much as possible since the idea is to mimic the original presentation. The original is a 3 sentence paragraph presentation. The restatement should number the same so as to maintain task accuracy.

Once you are in agreement with one side of the argument, that is the only aspect you should focus on. The discussion requires a single opinion statement. The next statement needs to be the reason why you disagree with the other side. That helps deliver the clear basis of your opinion. This current presentation may be considered somewhat complete in its current form.

Kindly remember that the most effective way to discuss these views are by:
1. Explaining the valid public reason for the opposing argument then, disproving that by presenting your opinion that disproves the valid public opinion.
2. Explaining the reasons the public supports the 2nd pov. Strengthen the same with your personal opinion.

Sprinkle the reasoning paragraphs with properly placed 3rd person and 1st person pronouns to meet the GRA requirement. The previously suggested response formats are the best and most proper way to gain the most scoring considerations overall.

This piece of writing shows your potential to score well. Use the correct paragraph presentation and you should have better scoring considerations with the next essay.

In conclusion, while some people believe that the main factors influencing a child's development nowadays are social factors outside of the family, it seems to me that parents who have the most important impact on the way that their child develops. (this is how I correct the last sentence)

In the introduction, you should add more background or social context to give general information.

The thesis statement needs to be more specific, concise, and disputable.

@William David
Not a professional but here are some tips.

I think you have misused the word "influency".
There is an a missing before "best friend".
It is better to write " it is the family which has the more important...." in the first sentence of the first body paragraph.
There are some spelling and punctuation mistakes too such as "spen" instead of spent.
" Baby was children" is an incorrect statement.