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The favourite social media channel between 2011 and 2013


amrillahmk 29 / 47 6  
Nov 1, 2016   #1
The proportion of social media platform used by people from 2011 to 2013 is presented in the pie chart, measured in percent. Overall, the most significant fact to emerge is that the use of Twitter, Linkedln, Google+, and Pinterest showed an increase while Facebook dropped significantly over the timeframe shown. Moreover, it is clear that Google+ experienced a dramatic growth than other social media channel.

To begin with, Twitter, Linkedln, Google+, and Pinterest had similar pattern which increased from year to year. Initially, Twitter and Linkedln stood at 21% and 10%, then they rose to 25% and 15% respectively in the end of the period. On the other hand, Google+ and Pinterest began at same levels, 5%. While Pinterest only finished at 8%, Google+ experienced a marked rise, which grew roughly three times than it started and ended at 18%, the highest growth than the others.

In contrast, Facebook plunged dramatically by the end of the period. Firstly, it stood at 59% in 2011, the highest percentage than other social media channel. Subsequently, Facebook jumped sharply to solely 38% in the end of the timespan. Although Facebook experienced a sharp fall, its position was still in the first place as one of the favorite social media platform.



ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Nov 1, 2016   #2
Hi Amril,
I can see that your writing is getting better. Keep up the good work! Yet, there is no perfect writing after-all because I also can notice some rooms for improvements. You can see them in the detailed descriptions below.

1st paragraph:
- ... in the pie charts
- Moreover, it is clear that(This is redundant. Look at your previous sentence.) Google+ experienced...

2nd paragraph:
- ...had similar patterns which increased from year to year.annually.
- ...Twitter and Linkedln stood at 21% and 10%, and then they rose to 25% and 15% respectively in ...
(too many "and(s)" in a single sentence would not be good for your lexical resource score. You can just separate them or use another type of connector)

- ...began at same levels, at approximately/nearly/roughly 5%.

The pattern of your third paragraph is quite similar to your second paragraph. Try to find another pattern of writing for each body paragraph. If you look at them closer, you will see the usage of "stood at", "in the end of the period", "in the end of...", "experienced". If you feel stuck, just switch the active form into passive one. It would be really helpful I guess.

Hope this helps mate :)


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