Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 2


TASK 2: how the feeling of staying in the apartment?



JIDA 8 / 5  
Oct 9, 2015   #1
Some people say that living in a high-rise apartment block is a lonely experience because there is no community spirit. Others say that people who live in high-rise apartments have a much better sense of community than those who live in houses.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


Nowadays, people choose to live in a high apartment building. There are two point of views which discuss about it. Some people argue that staying in high-rise apartment make people loneliness due to they do not have any spirit. Others believe that living in condominium is better than people who live in house. I would utterly argue that staying in a high-rise condominium is much more pleasure.

There are several reasons why people choose living a flat building, thanks to it makes them get better sense of community. Firstly, they can meet each other when they join together for amenity and convenience things like a swimming pool, a fitness room and also a tennis court. In this place, they can play sport together and also share about what they have done during the day. Afterwards, they can ask the apartment office about organizing an event, such as a monthly book club or games night and also a regularly scheduled time and day for walk or bike together, weekly play dates for moms, dads and their children.

In contrast, some argue that there is no community spirit in there, so the impact of living in condominium being unhappy because they have no friend or little contact with others. For instance, several persons who staying in condominium have a busy job, so they never communication each other. That reason makes several persons choose staying to in houses which they know neighborhood. As a result, they become independent person and never meet the other neighbors.

To conclude, staying in apartment is more enjoyable than in housing. In my opinion, living as a community is the best way to live. People who stay in there do a great job of creating community driven atmosphere.

aniani 20 / 19  
Oct 10, 2015   #2
Hi Jida.. Nice to see you here.. I really like your passage, because it is nice and easy to understand. But, I want to give some corrections. In your first paragraph and your last line, you argue that staying in a high-rise condominium is much more pleasure, but you explain your that argumentation in your second paragraph (body 1). I suggest you to change it. You can explain your opposite argumentation in your second paragraph (body 1) and explain your certain argumentation in your paragraph 3 (body 2) for breaking your opposite argumentation in your previous paragraph. Ok that is the correction for your content, and here some corrections for your grammar. :)

There are several reasons why people choose living (in) a flat building, thanks to it makes them get better sense of community.

In contrast, some argue that there is no community spirit in there, so the impact of living in condominium being(can make people) unhappy because they have no friend or little contact with others. For instance, several persons who staying(stay) in condominium have a busy job, so they never communication(communicate to) each other.

I hope it can help you. Keep spirit Jida!! :)


Home / Writing Feedback / TASK 2: how the feeling of staying in the apartment?
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳