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IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - Female unemployment rates in the four countries of the UK (BAR CHART)


Shuying 1 / -  
Nov 20, 2018   #1

women at work in the uk



The bar chart illustrates the percentage of women unemployed in the four countries of the United Kingdom from 2013 to 2014.

It is clear that the majority of female unemployment rates in England and in Scotland in both years. Also, there was a slight decrease in the rate of women unemployed from 2013 to 2014, except in Scotland.

In each of the years shown on the chart, England was the greatest percentage of unemployed women in 2013, with 6.8%, and this fell by 0.3% in 2014. Interestingly, there was a steady increase in the figure of women out of work in Scotland from 6.1% in 2013 to 6.7% in 2014 and Scotland became the highest female unemployment rate of the four countries.

Between 2013 and 2014, the figure of women unemployment in Wales was fallen by 0.4%, while there was a decrease of around 1% of unemployed women in Northern Ireland, so Northern Ireland improved female unemployment rates more than the other countries.

**Please help me check this essay, if grammar and sentences are mistaken or strange, please correct them. Thank you in advance.




Holt [Contributor] - / 8,804 2614  
Nov 21, 2018   #2
Shuying, the main problem with your analytical essay is not in the grammar structure nor the presentation. The problem is in the discussion presentation. While your discussion is acceptable enough, you are not accurately delivering the summary overview, trending statement, and number of sentences required per paragraph. While you did meet the 4 paragraph presentation, your sentences were mostly limited to one of two sentence presentations at the most. The minimum requirement per paragraph is actually 3 sentences with a maximum of 5 per paragraph. This allows you to deliver an analysis of the information rather than simply an enumeration of the information, which is what you did for most of this essay.

The summary overview lacks a clear reference to the areas in England that were included in the chart measurement field. You also neglected to indicate the measurement type which was in percentage. Your trending statement is incorrect as there can only be one reference in that statement. Either you indicate the measurement at the highest point or its lowest point. There is no trend indicated when you present both the high and the low. That is a comparison sentence, not a trending statement.


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