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Fighting for Aleppo, who is the target?



Yusuf05 11 / 14  
Aug 17, 2016   #1
I have no idea whether the following writing will be welcomed in news column or not, but I try to sound like a journalist. Here is the inscription:

The two most concern countries with Syrian flame, Rusia and the U.S, signed to light up the fuse of aggression in Aleppo.

The Russian spokespersons, in one hand, are said to devote more time to resolve the problems by every means with the American delegates. Striking for Aleppo has become the major attention of the country.

However, the U.S. remarked that there is still a gradual arbitration for both hands and no grant resulted.

In fact, the orchestration of combating the radical groups by both countries indicated uncertainty who they will be targeted for.
Russia claimed that its party has deprecated the U.S. disinclination to exhort the rebels on the ground. Therefore, the coalition needs to cop out the onset from the militants.

Your refinement and feedback will be widely welcomed.Gracias!

||- news resources: time.com/4453589/russia-aleppo-deal-us/ -||


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akbarmappiare 31 / 445  
Aug 17, 2016   #2
Hi Yusuf.
Welcome to Essay Forum.
You have been the right medium to improve your writing
.


If it comes to the grammar, you have passed that well. I think you have mastered the basic grammar. However, you still need improvement for arranging the good paragraph. One of the key rules is that each paragraph should consist more than 2 sentences. You let it through. On the other hand, because you separate the essential information which actually are unity, readers will be confused and do not get the point of your summary. I mean that this jumps from a topic to another topic whereas this writing needs a sense. You do not forget that harnessing the appropriate linking words is the power of the coherence.

I suggest you to read more examples of the summary. Following that, I believe that you will master writing the summary on condition that you practice again and again.

Keep spirit dude.
Happy writing


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