The figure of four different features were mostly interested in 2003 and 2013

The figure of four different features which were mostly interested in 2003 and 2013 are compared by those two pie charts. At first glance it is evident that film/ music gaining the enormous alteration of the proportion.

The mostly chosen feature in 2003 was presented by travel; however, in ten years later, it decreased to 8% lower than previous proportion. Reaching almost a quarter at total features in 2003, clothes followed the travel in the second level. Then, it fell dramatically to 16% which caused it obtained the lowest percentage. In addition, film/music acquired the highest change in percentage for a 10-year period.

Unlike three other features, book did not achieve that much alteration. Initially, the book provided 19% and then it increased slightly in ten remain years. Although the proportion experienced the improvement during the period as a whole, book admitted the last place in 2013.

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Hi Nela, as I read and understand your analysis, I believe you can enhance your introduction by formatting it the other way around, I suggest the following;

- The pie chart features four different categories that matter in a mans life, travel, film / music, books and clothes , over the course 2003 tp 2013.

After the sentence above you can continue with your original sentence and keep the focus on the accuracy of your facts and figures base on the chart.

Overall, your analysis is good, you also manage to keep all the necessary information suggested in the chart. For future writing reference, keep your essay true to its purpose, from the beginning until the end of the essay, it also doesn't hurt if you inject some humor and creativity in your analysis. I understand that this is an analysis that is meant to be formal and it is, however, being playful with words can help enhance your analysis too. I hope this helps!

Hi, Nela
You have a great essay. Let me give suggestion for your essay.
Please correct me, if I am wrong.

Your introduction :
The figure of four different features which were [...] gaining the enormous alteration of the proportion.

I try to paraphrase your introduction for your consideration. Here is mine :
A comparison of different features which were mostly interested in 2003 and 2013 is presented in two pie charts.Overall, it can be seen that the favourite features were film/ music and travel in both years.However, books and clothes were the least popular features.

First body: You could explain about film/ music and travel
Second body : You could explain the other two features, books and clothes

Beside that, the number of words in your essay is 147 words. Actually, you should increase the total of words in this essay at least 150 words for Writing Task 1.

Thank you
Regard - Nida :)

Let me give some suggestions:

1. I am sorry before, but your essay is not required since you are not complete in 150 words. You have to add various information and make sure that at least 165 words is available.

2. Here is my alternative introduction:
The pie charts show the comparison of interesting proportion in 4 groups between 2003 and 2013 measured by percentage. Overall, it can be seen that over a 10-year period, all groups was a significant alteration, while film/ music was dominated in the last period.