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Online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013

yuukinohan4 9 / 24 6  
Mar 14, 2017   #1
The pie charts below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Sales numbers comparison

The two pie charts compare how four types of retails have been sold online in New Zealand (measured in percentage) in 2003 and 2013. Overall, it is clearly that considerably customers ordered for trip online. However, the position was overtaken by selling of digital sound and digital image later.

At first glance, in 2003, numerous people highly booked for traveling through e-commerce and only a few of online shopping purchaser bought clothes on the internet. Selling through online trip agency saw 36 percent in New Zealand, which was 12% smaller than clothing sales. A decade later, those items decreased slightly in which clothes were almost three times larger of declining numbers of journey ticket selling at less than a third.

On the other hand, entertainment witnessed popular selling in 2013. Film or music was highly sold in which its selling was mentioned as the biggest inclined from 2003 to ten years later by 11 percent. This doubled of book selling percentage at more than a fifth at the end of the period recording. (173 words)

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,974 4811  
Mar 14, 2017   #2
Nur, while it is good that you have learned how to remove the mechanical representation of information in your summary essay by using comparison sentences, it is still important that you use the actual percentage data in the essay. This will prove to be supporting evidence to your paraphrased representation of the figures involved. It also allows you to double check your claims regarding information you are presenting in a different manner from the figures. However, your descriptions regarding the figures origins do not tally with the original figures. You made assumptions of facts that was not indicated in the essay such as online booking for ticket sales, online shopping and other similar claims when the pie chart notes do not indicate such a description. This partially removes the validity of the information you are providing and as such, would earn this essay a score of 4.

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