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The proportion of e-commerce in four retail trade in New Zealand between 2003 and 2013


Ilmi_03 47 / 69 11  
Sep 25, 2016   #1
Online shopping sales in New Zealand

The pie charts compare the proportion of e-commerce in four retail trade in New Zealand between 2003 and 2013. Overall, it is immediately apparent that most citizens purchased items in travel sector initially. Meanwhile the sales of film/music and books witnessed an upward trend, the figure for clothes and travel business saw the reverse over the recorded time.

In the initial year, the most popular trading in the Internet is business travel at 36 percent, but it decreased slightly by 7 percent in 2013. Similarly with the number of sales in clothes sector which began with 24 percent and then it plummeted to 16 percent, during 2003 and 2013, a fall of 8 percent over a 10-year period.

This contrasted to both film/music's and books' sales which saw a positive trend in. The number of sales in film/music commerce increased modestly from 21 percent in the former period to a third in the following ten years. At just under the fifth, books business' sales was the least popular in the Internet, but it showed a 3-percent rise in one decade period.



wew018 - / 20 9  
Sep 26, 2016   #2
Hi @llmi_03

Your essay is good. However, I noticed some errors as I read your composition.

Similarly with the number of sales in clothes sector,which began with 24 percentand then itplummeted to 16 percent.full stop, during 2003 and 2013, aItfall offell 8 percent over a 10-year period. > Always provide a stop (by putting (.) period) whenever you write a composition. It will be hard for your readers to give them a lot of idea on what you are trying to say. It is also the same whenever you talk to someone who speaks to fast. You forget what is the real topic if she speaks so fast. In writing, whenever you give to much idea in just a single sentence, the topic is highly forgotten. Hence, you have to provide a stop. Then, start a new topic on the next sentence.

The last paragraph seemed obscure to me. It is unclear because of this phrase "21 percent in the former period to a third in the following ten years" where in fact film sector boost to the top for the past ten years surpassing the travel sector.

I would suggest that you change the idea by giving priority to the significant increase of sales in film sector against other sectors in 10 years. You can make it as the body or 2nd paragraph of your composition to make it the main idea of your composition and then other details will be on the latter part of the paragraph. This will give your essay an ordering or sequencing of ideas unlike of just comparing each other.

I hope you pass the writing part. Good luck and keep writing.


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