First Punishment for many offenders

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem.

Notorious criminals sanctions

Commit more crimes from some offenders always repeated albeit they have been get first punishment. Regarding to this prompt, my consideration has two causes and also three solutions to reduce this issue, and I will explain why in this essay.

Perhaps, the major problem supporting this issue is the punishment is not effective for law breakers. This can be caused, they only have been given petty crimes, but they do huge criminality. It can be seen, Indonesia has too many corruptor, and they always do this criminality due to ineffective of the punishment. In addition, law enforcers are not assertive to punish well the prisoners. They are more likely to influence by some money, making the punishment more light. Corruptor will be easy to out from jail due to influencing of money for the law enforcers.

Turning to the causes, it considers the solution is they should be given effective punishment then the lawbreakers will be deterrent to do some notorious crimes. As an example, rape crime. Sometimes, rape crime will be prone to repeat it negative habit, making them more deterrent they should be get death penalties, and the others will be afraid and avoid this crime. Furthermore, they have to educate first with approach religion. In addition, the law enforcers should be given some measures affecting their life if they do not uphold the laws wisely.

In conclusion, there are several causes why the crime agents will be duplication the negative activities, and the several solutions will tackle this issue. It depends on the effective laws and the law enforcers.

Ummm With all due respect, I think the first thing you need to work on is your grammar accuracy. Instead of using big words inaccurately, I think if you can create an error-free essay will secure you with a 5-6 in Ielts writing if that is what you are going to take. Given that the examiners always emphasize more on whether you can express you view in a clear manner, you should scrutinize your essay twice first and not to use difficult words that is not up to your standard. It is easily seen.

Instead of " turning to the causes... notorious crimes." You should instead say: Regarding the solutions, more effective punishment should be given to the offenders as to stop the notorious lawbreakers(can simply be replaced with them) from further commit crimes. The word" deterrent" is used wrongly in that sentence and we won't say "it considers the solution......."

It is good that you tried to used various word form of the same word (crime) and variation of word is seen. However, you have to use them correctly in order to score higher.