Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 7

[Ielts task 1] Fish and Meat consumption in Europe from 1979 to 2004


southstar 1 / 2  
Feb 14, 2014   #1
I'm preparing on my own for the comming Ielts test. Please correct it for me and give me some feedbacks :) Thanks in advance!!! Figure of this essay is also attached below.

A glance at the graph provided reveals the quantities of fish and meats consumed in a European country from 1979 to 2004. Overall, it is evident that while the number of fish consumed remained quite steady, the firgures for three kinds of meats experienced considerable fluctuations.

The consumption of beef and lamb saw some similar trends: they both witnessed downward fluctuations. The quantities of it in 2004 were less than approximately 100 (grams per person per week) compared to their number in 1979. Beginning with more than 200 grams per person per week in 1979, beef consumption peak at nearly 250 grams in 1984 before remaining quite stable between 1984 and 1989 then decreased constantly to just about100 grams per person per week in 2004. Similarly, the quantity of lamb consumption declined gradually from 150 grams to around 60 grams per person per week in 2004.

In contrast, the number of chicken consumed by individuals per week increase gradually from less than 150 grams to nearly 250 grams, which make it become the highest number of meat consumption in 2004. By 2004, the much higher quantity of chicken consumption in comparison with the consumption of beef, lamb and fish.




Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Feb 14, 2014   #2
You need to separate the introduction and the overview. They should be two different sections. Also, you need to adopt a more reporting style with your writing because this task is to assess your report writing skills. For example -

The consumption of beef and lambsaw some similar trends

The quantities of it in 2004 were less than approximately 100

quantities of what? You need to report your observations very clearly.
OP southstar 1 / 2  
Feb 14, 2014   #3
Thanks for your comments, could you please point out some of my grammartical errors? I'm quite confused about that?
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Feb 14, 2014   #4
Well, I think you are pretty good with grammar and you don't have to be confused :D

A few things I noticed;
A glance at the graph provided reveals the quantities of fish and meatsdifferent meat types consumed in a European country from 1979 to 2004.

Overall, it is evident that while the numberquantity of fish consumed remained quite steady, the firguresquantities offor three kinds of meatsmeatexperienced had considerable fluctuations.
OP southstar 1 / 2  
Feb 14, 2014   #5
Is there any different way to replace the word "quantity"?, Why "figure" and "number" can't be used in this case?
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 14, 2014   #6
Well, it is actually the quantities of fish and meat that they have taken into consideration in this graph. They have not physically counted fish, so "number of fish" doesn't sound proper. So does the word "figure" and "Quantity" is the most appropriate word to use for this scenario. As Pahan mentioned adopt a more reporting tone for your writing which is strict on reporting your observations. Avoid including phrases that sound more personal. :)
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Mar 16, 2014   #7
reduce the length of your sentences a bit more. Long sentence gives more work to the reader as he needs to memorize things. And pay particular attention to tense use. This has a time duration. Therefore PAST tense is required.


Home / Writing Feedback / [Ielts task 1] Fish and Meat consumption in Europe from 1979 to 2004