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IELTS-Fixed Punishment for each type of crime?or Consider circumstances & motivation?


orxan88 5 / 8 2  
Jul 2, 2013   #1
Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime.Others,however,argue that the circumstances of an individual crime,and the motivation for commiting it,should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment.

Throughout the history ,crime and punishment always has been a controversial matter.In this regard,some group of people always argue that there must be constant and firm penalties for each type of offence .While others think that all of the crimes have to be investigated exactly as well as circumstances and motivation should be considered for judging and punishing them fairly.

Some people believe that penalties have to be determined beforehand for every type of offences.They claim that it simplifies judging criminals and by this way similar crimes can be gathered under same codes.It is believed that an identical penalty for an individual crime may stop a criminal person to commit a crime by reconsidering the consequences of its behaviour.Moreover,they support this idea that to take into account motivation for commiting crimes and circumstances create stalemate situation and redundant delay in judicial process.

On the other hand,some people including me,believe that all types of crimes must be investigated with great care and all of the internal and external factors should be considered.Let's take two murderer for an example who has killed someone.One of them,have commited it for the aim of self-defence,while other has done it because of robbery,torture,aggression or maybe merely for enjoyment as maniac.In my opinion, taking into account both of these murders as a same type of crime and penalizing them in the same way would be injustice.Therefore,it is very essential explore situation of crime and whole of the causes which have bring about to these bad consequences.I believe that just decisions can be made only after well-organized investigations by considering all of the influencing factors.

In conclusion,crime and punishment have always existed and the main thing is not to punish but to penalize fairly.

piggiepolly 2 / 2 2  
Jul 2, 2013   #2
i think it is a good, well-organized essay. i wonder is it ok if conclusion has only 1 sentence ?
gmad06 20 / 151 55  
Jul 2, 2013   #3
crime and punishment has always been

- subject and linking verb

While others think that all of the crimes have to be investigated exactly as well as circumstances and motivation should be considered for judging and punishing them fairly.

break this sentence into two

take two murderers for an example who has killed someone

naturally murderers killed someone that is why they are called as such

In conclusion,crime and punishment have always existed and the main thing is not to punish but to penalize fairly.

besides that it is short, I think it does not relate much to the ideas you have presented in your body paragraphs.

To give you more essay structure ideas I will be using this prompt on my next work
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jul 3, 2013   #4
.In this regard,some group of people always argue that there must be constantfixed and firm penalties for each type of offence

.While othersOthers think that all of the crimes have to be investigated exactly as well as circumstances and motivation should be considered for judging and punishing them fairly.

.... you need to re-phrase this sentence to convey your idea better;
Others think that more flexibility is needed in punishments and therefore the circumstances, motivation etc. need to be considered when punishing someone.
What is your opinion? You better mention that in the introduction.
bein 3 / 10 3  
Jul 3, 2013   #5
your grammar is good with various sentence structures.
but what is the type of this essay? discussion or argument?
I think you should add thesis statement in your introduction to say clearly what you are going to write in this essay. your essay doesn't show clearly whether you discuss both sides of this argument or protect your idea (one side). I think it will be a very good essay if its outline is better :)

Moreover, remove

Let's take two murderer

because it isn't suitable for formal writing style


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