how offenders should be punished?
Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
People have different views about how offenders should be punished. In my view, I believe that some other aspects of a crime should be considered before agreeing on the punishment.
On the one hand, there is a mixed variety of reasons for imposing fixed punishments on every crime. Firstly, a set of punishment for each crime acts as a precursor to a fair justice system that causes no suspicions of how an offender is sentenced. Also, the judge would have no difficulties sentencing offenders and hence, it would take less time that could have been spent on further research on the circumstances or motivations of the crimes. Secondly, everyone would be aware of how severe the punishments are once they commit crimes and hence, fixed punishments would deter people from acting illegally.
On the other hand, it is true to argue that there are still factors influencing a crime that need to be taken into consideration, such as the circumstances and motivations. Obviously, people not always act illegally on purpose and there must be something triggering them or forcing them to commit a crime. For example, people stealing to feed their family have the lofty reason to do so and should not be punished as severely as others who steal for personal benefits. This way, considering such factors before sentencing an offender seems to be more humane and could encourage rehabilitations after imprisonment.
I strongly believe that a set of punishments is not necessary as it is an inhumane way of sentencing offenders and it gives them no chances of explaining. Instead, the circumstances and motivation of any crimes should be dug into for the legal rights of the committed offenders.
In conclusion, although fixed punishments seem to be beneficial in some ways, it is important to me that each crime should be judged taking both the circumstances and motivation into account.
I really appreciate your comments on what my writing lacks in and what I can do to improve. Many thanks!
In your topic sentence, you should paraphase the title. A ideal topic sentence includes topic, controlling idea, purpose statement( maybe)
I strongly believe that a set of punishments ... ( which is this part writing about? It is in the body or conclusion? Is it clear?)
The unity, coherence, vocab is ok
people do not always act
I strongly believe that a set (...) the committed offenders.
I suggest you put this right into the 3rd paragraph.
should be judged more reasonably by taking both ..
@Chrissanth_12
That paragraph is to giving my opinion. Anyway, thanks for your comment.
@Phuongnguyen256
Many thanks!
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15461 Mu. what is happening to you? It seems to me that you have either forgotten all of the lessons I have been trying to teach you or, you chose to disregard my instructions for some reason. Your current essay has all of the old mistakes that I had already corrected in your work before. This is the trademark sign of a student who is listening to more than one person regarding the method by which these essays should be written. You have to be honest with me here and inform me if you have a private tutor or are attending tutorial classes already. I do not wish to contradict the education of your paid professional as that will end up confusing you and will result in your producing an essay such as the one above which to me is faulty to a great extent, but is perhaps correct in the eyes of your tutor. You cannot have 2 people teaching you how to write this as it will only serve to further confuse you. Please, let me know if I should stop advising you because of the existence of a tutor or your enrollment in formal classes. Thanks.
For now, I will tell you this. As far as I am concerned, this essay is faulty from the very beginning as you treated this as a direct question essay rather than the comparative essay with personal opinion method. The latter method requiring you to discuss both public points of view before you present your own opinion. From the opening paragraph alone, one can already see the prompt deviation when you failed to indicate a representation of the 2 points of view discussion before your personal statement as part of the thesis presentation. You indicated instead that you would be discussing your personal opinion alone in the essay.
So your essay will be tangential in response and as such, may not score very well based on the remaining 3 criteria since you have C&C, LR, and GRA problems in the presentation. I am held back from further advising you as I do not know if I should still continue to guide you based upon what I perceive to be repeated mistakes in this essay that I previously corrected. If you already have someone else helping you professionally, then I will withdraw my advice from this point on so as not to confuse you.
I feel so sorry for what you are feeling. I do not have a tutor teaching me. I get struggled against the same mistakes again and again because I did not spent time learning carefully what you adviced. In fact, I just rush into writing because I feel I have little time left before sitting the IELTS exam. I am so sorry if my repeated mistakes irritate you. I will try harder and write more carefully next time. Again, I feel so sorry with you.
