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IELTS:C7T2: Should there be fixed punishments for each type of crime?


smilectt 4 / 7  
Dec 16, 2011   #1
Write about the following topic:
Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on punishment.

Disscuss both views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. At least 250 words.

(hope to get your kindly help and you may give me a score according to IELTS standard if you know it. Thank you all in advance.)

Should there be certain punishments for each particular crime? This is an issue concerned with the order of the society which has long been discussed by the general public. Like every coin has two sides, there are cons and pros against this saying.

Some people go for this statement, by insisting that only through making fixed punishments for each type of crime, will we be able to ensure the justice of the law, for the benefit of every civilian. Or there will emerge some cunning guys, even including some eminent lawyers who are brilliant enough to take advantages of those unfixed regulations to avoid or lessen the punishments that they may originally deserves, or help others to do so, which is very common in nowadays society.

On the contrary, there are also a group of people, including myself, claiming that every crime is an individual case, into which the consideration of circumstances and motivation must be taken. We demand that the court not ignore those vital factors, for the simple reason that it's absolutely and totally differs if a man committed a crime purposely or unintentionally. For the latter one, we believe there are reasons for him to be given a lighter verdict, together with a second chance, as long as all the evidence of the case has been carefully and repeatedly confirmed.

All in all, I personally agree that flexible verdicts could be adopted according to variant conditions of the real cases. Nevertheless, we do need actions to ensure the authenticity of the evidence provided, as well as to avoid such terms being abused.

pitt4life01 5 / 8  
Dec 16, 2011   #2
there are cons and pros against this saying -> I understand this is really nitpicky of me, but I think it would flow much better if you reversed the order wrote "pros and cons". Also, instead of "against", say "to"

Some people go for this statement, by insisting -> Here, you can either leave the comma there and remove the "by", or remove the comma and keep "by".

for each type of crime, will we be able to ensure the justice of the law, for the benefit of every civilian -> There is a lot of comma usage here. My opinion? Remove all of the commas, it will sound much more natural.

Or there will emerge some cunning guys -> Three mistakes. First, don't start a sentence with "or". Use "otherwise" instead. Second, the colloquial use of the word "guys" does not sound professional. Use the word "attorney" instead. Third, it is in passive voice and should be changed to active voice. This is what it should finally look like: "Otherwise , some cunning attorneys will emerge "

even including some eminent lawyers -> Remove the "even"

take advantages of those unfixed regulations to avoid or lessen the punishments that they may originally deserves, or help others to do so, which is very common in nowadays society. -> Several mistakes again. First, it should be "take advantage". Next, instead of unfixed regulations, say "loopholes" or something similar. Third, remove the part that says "or help others to do so", and replace the part before it with mention of the clients. Next, say "originally deserve" (no 's'). Finally, the use of colloquial language emerges again, and that needs to be removed. It should be changed to "take advantage of those loopholes to avoid or lessen the punishments that their clients may originally deserve, which is very common in society today "

On the contrary, there are also a group of people, including myself, claiming that every crime...into which the consideration of circumstances and motivation must be taken -> It should be "there is also a group of people". Next, change "claiming" to "who claims". It should look like "There is also a group of people, including myself, who claims that every crime...into which the consideration of circumstances and motivations must be taken" If one is plural, the other should also be plural.

that it's absolutely and totally -> that "it "

"purposely " -> purposefully

"variant " -> varying

Lot of grammar mistakes, but I do see a very strong central message. Fix them, and your essay should be golden.
pitt4life01 5 / 8  
Dec 17, 2011   #3
It is a collective noun, so you should use the singular form of the verb. When ever you collect something together and give it a single name, you use the single form. For example, a "family" entails more than one person. But, you don't say that "the family are eating". You say "the family is eating" because all members of the family are grouped into one.


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