What estimated score would I get, when I wrote this essay in TOEFL Writing Independent section?
choosing roommates
Topic: You are going to have a new roommate next semester. Which of the following qualities is most important to you: a) cleanliness b) humorous c) politeness
Without a doubt, choosing roommates would be the most significant factor that massively affects students' college life in various way. Some people might think that the cleanliness would be the priority factors for selecting a new roommate, while others do not. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. However, if I had an opportunity to choose my opinion among these controversial arguments, I would rather like to say that the humorous would be the most valuable qualities when it comes to choosing a roommate. There are several remarkable reasons and examples as below.
First of all, the humorous roommate will help me to learn the way of keeping good social interaction with others. Most of the students who are talented at being humorous are perfectly good at maintaining smooth social relationship with others. This is because their creative sense of humor allows them to be friendly with every people. For example, my sister, who was one of the popular students in my school, learned the ability to make others happy with only a few funny jokes and stories from her roommates every night. Even though she was not familiar with having a direct conversation with others before, she became a most notable student in the school after she taught the importance of humor by her roommates; eventually allowing her to be nominated as the best student of the year in school. Likewise, humorous roommates will help me to tightly build a social relationship with others.
Moreover, it will good for me to maintain a healthy mental life during burdensome school life. Majority of the humorous students are tending to be active all the time, making others to be cheerful as well. This dynamic and positive energy that they possess will help me to get rid of all the stresses that derived from intricate problems. One of the cases that I experience that can support this claim was the day when my father was stressed out by his boss all day long. Even though he was in a bad mood at a cozy house, we performed humorous dances and comical plays with active gestures in order to make father happy. Before long, my father regained smile on his face. From that time, I recognized the power of humor and being active. The humor helps us to maintain positive energy in our lives as well as physical and mental health.
In brief, I strongly believe that the advantage of choosing a humorous roommate is far outweighed its disadvantages for the reasons I have mentioned above. All in all, being part of humorous friends roommate would be the ever best choice to positively maintain our valuable lives.@areis4ud
Hello there.
Firstly, I recommend that you optimize your sentences. Evade using lines that do not contribute to the overall depth of your essay.
For instance, taking a look at your first paragraph, observe the following revisions:
Without a doubt, c Choosing ... the a most significant factor that massively affectsing students' college life in various way. ... that the cleanliness would be the priority factors for in selecting ... Both sides may have their own ... However, i If I had an ..., I would rather like to say that the humorous would be the most valuable qualitiesy when it comes to choosing a roommate. There are several remarkable reasons and examples as below for this.
I would omit words that do not directly contribute to your essay, creating more dynamism in your writing. Notice how that's what I had done in the initial portions of the essay.
Try to structure your essay with these guidelines more.
Best of luck as always!
