IELTS WRITING TASK 1 | Formal writing of comparing and reporting features

the percentage of sodium, saturated fat and sugar in different american meals

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

Please review and give me feedback so that I could improve my personal writing skill.
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The three pie charts give statistical information on how much each three unhealthy nutrients accounted for in three daily meals recorded in the USA. Sodium, saturated fat, and added sugar are widely known as highly unhealthy nutrients after largely consuming in daily meals.

Generally speaking, Americans eat less sodium, saturated fat, and added sugar in their breakfast but consume a large proportion of them while eating lunch and dinner. The snacks also contain these nutrients in plenty.

In detail, the amount of sodium that Americans consume mostly during dinner at 43%, following by lunch standing at 29% respectively. Breakfast and snacks are at the same ratio holding for 14%. The second unhealthy nutrient is saturated fat mostly found while eating dinner (37%). It is shown that fat is taken for an average amount during lunch and snack for 26% and 21%, whereas breakfast meal contains only 16%. On the other hand, snack meals are less likely to contain sodium and saturated fat but mainly with added sugar. Besides that, American people consume less sugar in their dinner (23%), lunch (19%), and breakfast (16%).

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As you are presenting a data report to the reader, you must never offer a personal opinion in the presentation. Yes, the information refers to unhealthy nutrients consumed. However, there is no information in the original image to refer to such claims in your presentation. That means you are altering the original chart information, which will lower your TA score due to prompt deviations or possible misunderstanding of the images provided. Always stick to the basics as profiled in the image. Do not add to it, do not change it. Just present it as it is but in your own words because that is all that matters in this presentation. Your TA score will suffer greatly in this case. Never do that again. Present the trending statement as a part of the summary overview as that is the best place to present it. Never create a single sentence presentation in the essay. That will be considered a run-on and lower your GRA score. Rather, aim to write a combination paragraph covering 3 sentences, or a 3 sentence trending statement. It is easier to do the former.