Free online download. Positive or negative?

Good day, please write your comments, corrections, and suggestions for my essay. Tips to get a 7.5 score would help.
If you could also rate my essay below in terms of TA,CC,LR,G. Thank you.

IELTS GT 04212018 INDIA
Nowadays, many movies and music are free to download online. Is it a negative or positive development?

movies and music for free?

In the recent years, films and songs have been downloadable in the internet without charge. In my perspective, this action is gearing towards a negative development in the society. This essay will highlight the drawbacks of free online downloads of music and movies.

One reason is that downloading these files online for free is a form of piracy. Movie actors, singers, production staffs and crews are not earning from these free downloads. Furthermore, this act is not helping the entertainment industry to grow or continue in the future. This could result into less movies and music being produced because the income does not surpass the production cost. for example, a lot of trilogy movies have failed to continue because it has been pirated online and the gross income could not budget the future movies.

Another reason why it is a negative development is that a lot of these free files are not safe to download. In other words, these films and songs contains virus and malwares that could harm the security of the platform where it is being downloaded. These virus and malwares are usually made for identity theft of the person downloading. As a consequence, personal information or credit card numbers and passwords could be stolen without the owner knowing. For instance, there was one person in the UK who was stolen money on his bank account and police officers investigated it to be a case of identity theft online from a movie downloading site that he uses.

To conclude, these free movies and music poses more harm than entertainment in our society. Free files online could weaken the entertainment industry and could be a way for hackers to steal a person's identity.

Jommie, let me give you an individualized scoring for your essay first. I want you to see which parts of the scoring should be considered your weak points. That way you can develop those sections on your way towards developing a 7.5 final score in the test. Let's get started:

TA - 5
- Your discussion ideas and presentations are never fully developed in every paragraph. That is because you are trying to discuss more than one topic in the paragraph. The rule, which has always helped to garner the highest possible score for any of my students is that each paragraph should contain the following information in order to be considered well written:

1. One topic sentence at the start of the paragraph
2. One opposing argument to start off the opinion discussion.
3. Supporting statement one based on popular information
4. Supporting information based on personal knowledge
5. An example that best showcases the topic sentence and discussion reasons.

The above format will always work best in the 3 body paragraph format which is meant to allow you to fully discuss your opinion and reasoning in relation to the topic provided. While others here prefer to write in a 4 paragraph format, that is not the best way to prove your ability to discuss in English.The 4 paragraph format does not allow you to showcase your English vocabulary. Neither does it allow you to write a mix of complex and simple sentences per paragraph. The 5 paragraph format is always, always, the best method to write these IELTS Task 2 essays. My students high rate of passing at an almost perfect score each time is proof of that.

The concluding part of this essay was alright but lacks a reiteration of your opinion to close the discussion. A proper summary conclusion includes a repeated statement of opinion from the writer in the end.

LR - 6
- While you do have a good grasp of the English language, your vocabulary could be considered to be only at an intermediate level. You need to increase your vocabulary list with more advanced or intermediately advanced vocabulary in order to bring up your score. Using the technical references to computer discussions was a good touch that helped to increase your score. Doing more of that in succeeding practice tests should help to boost your scoring consideration both in the practice and actual test.

C&C - 6
- The C&C score was affected by the limited vocabulary use in your essay. Your discussion is clear but your presentation seemed mechanical instead of natural sounding. So there were times that I felt like you were still in the process of revising your paragraph presentations when you suddenly decided to submit the essay for scoring.

GRA - 6
- There were moments of carelessness in the typing of the essay. You had instances when you used lower case letters to kick off a sentence. The start of every sentence is always capitalized. You also had a problem in developing certain sentences:


- ... could not produce the budget for the future...


- ... money was stolen FROMhis bank account..

The GRA score requires you to have almost perfect English punctuation and grammar skills. So be very conscious of your sentence development in the presentation. This further shows that you are not yet at an advanced level of English proficiency which could cause problems for you one you become a student in the university.

Thank you Holt for your detailed assessment. I will work on the key points that you mentioned. Although with vocubulary, it is hard for me to squeeze it on my remaining time during the 1 hour writing process for 2 tasks.

I got a question though, what is usually written on a third body paragraph? Opinion? Or another example? Should i follow the body paragraph content for every body paragraph?

Thank you.