Ielts:60% of freshmen alter their major subject in the second year of university

Opinions are divided on whether high school students should continue to attend higher education or have one year off to work to get experienced. In my opinion, students had better go to university. There are several seasons to support my point of view.

Firstly, universities are good places for students to attain goals. That means they will know exactly what their dream job is. It is undeniable that at the age of 18, students are not mature enough to decide suitable subjects. Therefore, it is colleges that can provide them with a golden opportunity to find out their best one, and help nurture their ability. Because schools offer a variety of subjects, pupils can choose the disciplines that they are specialized in. According to a recent survey, more than 60 percent of freshmen alter their major subject in the second year of university.

Secondly, attending university help students to broaden their relationships, especially with excellent classmates as well as professors. In elite colleges, there are hundreds of talented people, which equips them with a chance to get a good job in the future. For instance, with the help of peer colleagues who are the employers of big companies or a good recommendation letter from their supervisors, students are guaranteed to have advantages over counterpart candidates to get a high salary occupation.

Defenders of the work experience that students can obtain point out that it is not too late for students to continue learning after one year. This may be true. However, I argue that hardly can they have passion to learn when they are working. In addition, the interval of the working period may make their knowledge of subject fade and as a result, it is quite difficult for them to catch up with the new information.

In conclusion, from the reasons above, I believe that continuing to attend further education is completely proper choice
Wordcount: 315

I hope my correction helps you somehow :D

By the way, is the example about 60% students real? :D:D

thanks you so much

Your introduction follow the right structure for this task. Simple but good : )


.... bring both these sentences into one. My suggestion;
First, university provides the students with the platform that help them obtain necessary knowledge, skills and credentials to pursue their career dreams.


---------------- before coming to their immaturity, set up a link between the two ideas;
Therefore, the prime focus of an undergraduate should be to prepare himself for the future career demands because it would be a critical factor for him to stand out the other potential competitors. By having them employed at a tender age may compel them to have their focus deviated from this task due to their immaturity.

I have learned how appreciated an essay is from my two real IELTS examiners. I hope what I share in this topic can be useful for not only you but also anyone who are interested in achieving high grades in IELTS exams.

Basically, an examiner focuses on four aspects consisting of content, organization, grammar and vocabulary. It is true that an candidate is more likely to attain high band scores provided that they meet requirements of each aspects as well as possible. Throughout your essay, I am going to describe each one and what we should do to improve or enhance our writing skill.

Firstly, content simply means writters complete their assignment. Actually, this is the easiest part as a consequence that candidates just need to have a right answer with a minimum lenght of 250 words and a good example of this is just your essay. Nevertheless, I would like to remind you two following points:

- An essay of 315 words is surely wonderful but I am afraid that you are not able to finish it on time. In my opinion, around 275 words is the wisest decision.

- Try to express your ideas in an as clearly and logically as possible way:
Ex: Universities are good places for students to attain goals. That means they will know exactly what their dream job is.
=> Universities are good places for students to attain goals because this is where they will know exactly what their dream job is.
(... to be continued...)

Secondly, organization is how candidates divide an writing into many paragraphs as well as how they link them together. In general, you did a good job except a minor mistake of lacking a linking word in the beginning of the four paragraph.

Thirdly, the grammar aspect requires to use a wide range of complex sentences. It is regreted to inform that most candidates have to pay a lot more attention to this area if they are to overcome the band scores of 6.0.

- On the one hand, try to replace single sentences with complex ones by combining them.
Ex: Defenders of the work experience that students can obtain point out that it is not too late for students to continue learning after one year. This may be true. However, I argue that hardly can they have passion to learn when they are working.

=> Despite the fact that defenders of the work experience that it is not too late for students to continue learning after one year, I argue that ...

- On the other hand, you should make the best of every opportunity to try strange grammatical structures no matter how hard they are as they are the only way to succeed in IELTS exams.

Last but not least, an essay without proper vocabularies would never be compelling. To achieve that, candidates are forced to continually extend their vocabularies by collecting them as much as possible from a different variety of resources. It is clearly that you must rely on yourself in this work. I just give you some tiny tips as follows:

- Spend at least 5 minutes on check the grammar and spelling before handing in.
Ex: There are several seasons to support my point of view.
- Avoid to use common words including good, bad, nowadays...
Wish you much success in your exams.
Good luck.