Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

More funding to education and healthcare sectors may help with lowering mortality and illiteracy


Abraham22 20 / 11 15  
Oct 31, 2015   #1
All education and healthcare should be funded by the goverment and free for everyone.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion ?


These days education and healthcare are fundamental need. There seem a lot of debate about what the government should carry out to boost them. While some people argue that to reduce the figure for mortality and illiteracy, giving extra funding and free-medical treatment to education and healthcare is appropriate decision, other state this requires vast sums of money. I would argue that this has both merit and demerit implications.

On the positive side, a great deal of fatality and illiteracy increasing annually can be diminished. The government can totally fund several sectors, particularly education and healthcare facilities. Taking Singapore to be obvious instance, this country has productive human resource thanks to a serious attention of government toward prosperity. Upgrading plenty of school's facilities such laboratories and libraries; clinical equipment in hospital are real proof. Interestingly, both sectors are available and free-paid access to everyone due to the Singapore government. All in all, one of ways to eradicate a large number of demises and illiterates is by allocating more funding to education and healthcare sectors than others.

However, a negative side to this funding is the impact that this has on other sector. One of the biggest problem leading the progress of a number of areas becomes obstructed as the outcome is fairly expensive. For example, while the government only focuses on several fields to fund amount of money, absolutely it is believed that damage which will occur has profound effects in order that the system is unable to run well. In conclusion, several sectors will be impeded owing to the lack of money.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that it is clear that the advantages to ease a considerable amount of mortality and illiteracy are by giving more funding to education and healthcare sectors, while the level of outcome is predicted extremely high, and this will affect on the development of other sectors.

Ssakshijain 28 / 146 87  
Oct 31, 2015   #2
Hi Abraham, here are my few suggestions .

....However, a negative side to this funding..., several sectors will be impeded owing to the lack of money.
This paragraph lacks coherence. I could not get what are you trying to say unlike your second paragraph which is very well written with an example .

Rewrite the conclusion and second last paragraph.
Also the prompt asked you to agree or disagree, it is good you tried to mention both the aspects but still you need to agree or disagree with at least one aspect which you can state in your conclusion.


Home / Writing Feedback / More funding to education and healthcare sectors may help with lowering mortality and illiteracy