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IELTS TASK 2: gender discrimination in education


mcuong01 12 / 24 3  
Nov 28, 2012   #1
Do not hesitate to show my faults. Your opinions are all highly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

My essay:
Some human right activists argue that colleges should not limit the number of female students in any fields. Frankly, I do not completely support this idea on account of some following causes.

First of all, it is uneven to prevent women from acquiring knowledge in case they are intelligent and healthy enough to complete their courses in universities. These days, governments are increasingly aware that their countries would not develop steadily unless females were fairly treated in education. In fact, an inevitable token of this is that more and more ladies are successful in business, science and even politics, which are often widely known as men's private areas.

Moreover, female students truly play a vital role in class as a result of gender difference in thought and concept. For instance, men tend to solve problems in a drastic but sometimes quite impatient way while women usually produce more compromised solutions. Consequently, a combination of them via discussions or team-working sessions surely makes lessons more efficient and compelling.

Nevertheless, no one can deny that some fields are not suitable to the weak. A good example of this is military subjects, which forces attendees to meet numerous strictly physical requirements. Clearly, it is unfeasible to balance the numbers of male and female students in such cases however hard universities attempt to promote.

In brief, with the noticeable contribution of females in success of courses, accepting equal numbers of male and female students, in case there is inconsiderable difference in ability between two sexes, should be encouraged in most subjects in case, except a few specific areas only suiting to the strong.

(269 words)

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Nov 29, 2012   #2
Hi,
I have a suggestion for you : )
Leave one blank line between paragraphs... it has nothing to do withe English writing, but it gives a neat and tidy look to your essay! That would certainly impress your examiner and his happy mood is important to you ; )

Some human right activists argue that colleges should not limit the number of female students in any fields. Frankly, I do not completely support this idea on account ofsome following causes.

Your introduction is pretty short, yet it satisfies the required structure. That's cool : )

First of all, it isunevenunfair to prevent women from acquiring knowledge in case they are intelligent and healthycommitted enough to complete their courses in universities. These days, governments are increasingly aware that their countries would not develop steadily unless females wereare fairly treated in education. In fact, an inevitable token of this is that more and more ladies are successful in business, science and even politics, which are often widely known as men's private areas.

The term healthy generally refers to physical health. So health and intelligent do not go together!
OP mcuong01 12 / 24 3  
Nov 29, 2012   #3
Could you tell me why i should not use 'even' instead of 'fair'? I've just looked it up in the Oxford dictionary but still have no any clear answers.

Similarly, I wonder why I was wrong when I described my opinion about 'their countries would not develop steadily unless females were are fairly treated in education'.

I am really looking forward to hearing you soon.
Thanks a lot.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Nov 30, 2012   #4
Uneven tends to give a meaning of unbalanced. Unfair seems to sound better because it means simply means unjust.

Frankly, I do not completely support this idea on account of somethe following causes.

There is one little thing that is confusing to me.

Some human right activists argue that colleges should not limit the number of female students in any fields. Frankly, I do not completely support this idea on account of some following causes.

You are saying that you support colleges limiting the number of female students in any field. But then you must first say why you do think that they should be limited, and then say that it is nevertheless unfair to limit female students.


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