Germany, Italy, France, Britain - The Amount Spent on Consumer Goods

The graph displays the amount of money that has been spent on six consumer goods in four diffierent European countries.
Starting in Germany , well it appears that the citizens of Germany prefered spending their money on personal stereos , perfumes and toys rather than spending them on tennis racquets and CDs and photographic films.

Moving on to Italy where the most profitable item was the toys , they made about 159 thousand pounds sterling . CDs and photographic films took second place in the most profitable items , as for the personal stereos , perfumes and the tennis racquets they were not that popular in Italy for they made the least profit out of them.

In France, photographic films were remarkably popular , for they made 165 thousand pounds sterling . Cds and toys were at the same point , both made about 158 thousand pounds sterling. the personal stereos , tennis racquets and perfume did not earn an acceptable profit.

Finally, in Britain , the British were similar to the french for the photographic stereos were the most popular among all other consumer goods , they earned an unbelievable amount of money , they made about 173 thousand pounds sterling . CDs and toys took second place in Britain as well as in France . The profit made out of perfumes in Britain was way ahead of the profit made out of them in France ,for they made 160 thousand pounds sterling in Britain and about 148 thousand pounds sterling in France. The personal stereos and tennis racquets were the less popular.

In conclusion , it shows that all four countries were a bit similar in where to spend their money.

Ruah.

I'd be happy to offer feedback, but first you must tell us what the prompt is- why are you writing this? Is it for an English class, a statistics class, or an economics class? What is the assignment? Also, a link to the graph might be nice, if it's online.

Cheers.
Tim

Tim
First of all , thanks for your reply . Secondly , this is a task 1 type of writing for the IELTS exam and I'm practising writing , and about the graph , well I saw the graph in my book so it's not online.

thanks :)
Ruah

Okay, cool. So it sounds like you're not required to be creative or tactful, you just need to be descriptive and grammatically correct- with that in mind I can do some correcting.

The graph displays the amount of money that has been spent on six consumer goods in four different European countries. (This is a perfect description. It's not exciting, like for an essay, but for a descriptive text it's perfect.

Your English isn't bad, especially for a second language. Watch your usage of the word "for", and try to avoid informal conversational English. Hope this helped.

Cheers!
Tim

Thank you very much Tim , that was really helpful :)
hope you could give me your opinion on all of my essays and feedback as well. Thanks again :)

Ruah