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cangusocduaaa 1 / -  
Sep 26, 2023   #1
Some people say that in the modern world, getting old is entirely bad. Others, however, say that life for the elderly nowadays is much better than it was in the past.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

ANSWER: In modern society, while a number of individuals suppose that aging is somewhat terrible, others disapprove of this as they believe the average living standard for older people has become increasingly desirable compared to the former days. This essay shall conduct a thorough assessment of both viewpoints so that a reasoned conclusion can be drawn.

On the one hand, the elderly nowadays are more prone to certain illnesses due to environmental pollution. The technology era has brought about a plethora of problems regarding our natural environment. A prime example of this is air contamination, a result of excessive carbon dioxide emission. Seniors, whose immune systems have significantly reduced in efficiency with the passage of time, may be more vulnerable to respiratory diseases such as asthma or lung cancer. As a matter of fact, when an older person suffer from those illnesses, they would not be able to take care of themselves, as well as need full-time provision of others. In the meantime, the majority of individuals detest the concept of a life with such lethal diseases, since they believe that translates to being a burden to their family members. Therefore, an increasing number of people in today's world consider getting old unfavorable.

On the other hand, the advancement in technology has ameliorated the living conditions for seniors. Nowadays, there are a plethora of robotic inventions that are intended to make life easier for sick older people. For instance, Japanese scientists established the "Care Robot" that can keep track of the health index of the elderly, and even be a recreational device that can read books or play music. Another point to be mentioned is that the ascent in the number of nursing homes. Many old people seem to be let down by the fact that their offspring can not allocate enough them to them, and nursing homes may be a suitable resolution for this. There, they can meet and befriend with people of their age, who have a tendency to share similar favorite pastimes. Seniors, therefore, can still derive great pleasure from the latter half of their lives.

All in all, albeit getting old may lead to seemingly detrimental health problems, the elderly in modern society are now accessible to a variety of means of entertaining. From my way of thinking, I firmly believe that aging in today' world should not be deemed negative.

Please help giving my essay a band score in IELTS Writing task 2. Thank you so much!
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,956 4811  
Oct 8, 2023   #2
[quote=cangusocduaaa]This essay shall conduct a thorough assessment of both viewpoints so that a reasoned conclusion can be drawn.[/quoteWhile you are being asked to assess the public opinions, you are not being asked to come to a conclusion. Therefore, your understanding of the task writing requirement is incorrect and will lead to a failing preliminary TA score. You are being asked to give your opinion of the 2 given public viewpoints. You are not being asked to conclude something for the reader. The task 2 essay should never give a conclusion, it should be open to allowing the reader to decide for himself. The task requirement is to merely inform the reader, not decide for him.

The placement of your personal opinion is incorrect. It should not be placed in the concluding paragraph since there was no proper explanation development in that case. This essay could be deemed open ended at that point and given a failing score.

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