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IELTS Writing task 2: Living in a modern world brings both positive and negative outcomes


Kim2989 1 / 2  
Aug 18, 2021   #1

THE ADVANTAGES AND DISAVANTAGES OF LIVING IN A MODERN WORLD



People born in the late past century has experienced a lot of social and technological changes, some might enjoy living in such today's modern era while others want to return to the simpler and less automated life of the past. Living in the modern world has certain advantages such as a high living standard or a variety of entertainments, but it also has some disadvantages, for examples, environment pollution and the weakening of human relationship.

First of all, with the invention of electricity and computers, a great number of machines, devices, and appliances have been created to furnish people's lives. Housewives spends a shorter amount of time to do chores or prepare meals since they have vacuum cleaners, washing machines, instant pots and so on. Also, people working in different parts of the world can make use of various apps for online meetings, instead of traveling. Young people can have quick access to any music and movie platforms like Youtube or Netflix so as to enjoy their favourite pieces at any place, at any time.

In spite of these benefits, the modern life copes with negatively environmental impacts due to the development of economics. As a matter of fact, big cities around the world are in need solutions to prevent toxic chemicals and polluted air from affecting the public health. Does not only the technology bring convenience to humans but also causes the loss of social interaction. It is usually seen that people keep looking at their mobile phones, spending too much time with computers without direct contact to one another. As a result, there are complaints that they do not have real friends or their families do not understand them.

In conclusion, the modern world comes with both positive and negative outcomes. Learning all these points help us find a way to balance a physically and mentally healthy life.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,648 4752  
Aug 19, 2021   #2
The writer uses a unique hook that does not stray too much from the original. It still managed to stick to the original discussion points. The student tends to use redundancies though which affect the vocabulary score (e.g. late past). Over-emphasis is acceptable provided redundancies are avoided in the presentation.

The over-generalization and lack of specific discussion focus does not provide the necessary discussion analysis and opinion presentation abilities of the student. Merely stating conveniences and inconveniences as an enumerated list does not satisfy the reasoning, supporting example, and opinion requirements of the task. The lack of clear support and developed discussion will adversely affect the final score.

Having a long essay that goes over 300 words presents potential failing reasons:
- Discussion deviations
- Misdirected discussion focus in relation to the topic
- Under developed reasoning
- LR and GRA errors that remain uncorrected
- Lack of discussion clarity

All these errors are present in this essay.
OP Kim2989 1 / 2  
Aug 19, 2021   #3
@Holt
Thank you so much for pointing out my errors :)
miriyome 1 / 2  
Aug 19, 2021   #4
keep going! it's going well! but remember all the tips @Holt told you, it will be very helpfull!


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